how to love // z. m.

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-One

The rainfall didn't slow down at all as Zayn and I walked across the lawn of Central Park, heading to the forest-like area of the park.

We were walking side-by-side, and we keep sneaking glances at each other, and every time we caught each other doing that, we'd burst into a fit of giggles.

I started skipping ahead of Zayn, and then I did a twirl to face him, a few yards away. I stretched my arms out to gesture around me, grinning.

"Come on, Zayn!" I shouted over the pouring rain. "Skip with me!"

He raised his eyebrows curiously and then sighed. He skipped toward me, and he looked insanely stupid while doing it, but I didn't care. And even better, he didn't care.

We linked arms and skipped down the walkway into the trees. The rain was less heavy under them, but water was dripping from the leaves, so it didn't make much of a difference. It didn't bother us, though. We were practically dancing in the rain. Who doesn't want that?

I ran my fingers through my hair (it's quite difficult to do that when it's wet, though) and sighed happily as I stood still. I looked around me at the dark forest. It didn't give off that scary feeling at all, though. It felt beautiful and relaxing. Plus, it's a full moon tonight so everything is pretty lit up.

Add the fact that we are still in New York City, so the city lights still shine around here.

Zayn smiled down at me and shook his head slightly.

"What?" I chuckled a little.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Thank you!" I giggled, curtsying.

"And I've always wondered something..." he added slowly, as if he were unsure if he should ask me.

I tilted my head to the side and licked my lips. "What would you like to know?"

He shrugged. "Why?" Then he explained further into detail what he meant by that. "You're always so carefree. And you do crazy stunts that no normal person could ever even come up with, let alone carry out."

I bit my lip. I kind of knew one day someone would ask me about this. "It's a little hard to talk about..."

Zayn hurried to say, "No! You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to! Really! I'm not gonna press it or anything. I was just curious."

I gave a little half smile at his politeness. He's come a long way from the guy who screamed at me for dancing on the stage of his concert, hadn't he?

"It's fine," I said quietly. "I'll tell you."

I took a deep breath, and he stared at me intensely, looking as though he were going to grab onto every word I said and hold them tight. That's a nice thought.

"My parents died when I was thirteen," I said. "A car accident. You already know that, though. That's why I have such a big fear of cars. But you're helping me get over that."

He smiled slightly. I knew he was happy that he'd helped me somehow.

"Up until their death, my sisters and I all lived in Hawaii," I smirked a little. "Then we moved to New York City since no one really drives here because of the traffic. So many people walk. So, that problem was dealt with."

Zayn nodded, looking to the ground. He now had his hands in his pockets. I had my arms crossed over my chest, and had my eyes trained on him and his facial expressions. He looked more emotional about this than I'd have expected. He wasn't crying or anything, of course, but it looked like something was truly bothering him.

"I got into the mindset that anyone could die at any time," I continued. "My parents died when they were only in their forties. That doesn't seem that young, but they were both into surfing and so they were incredibly built. They had so much to live for..." I kept my breathing even. The rain disguised my tears, or at least I thought they did, until Zayn looked into my eyes and reached up to wipe them away. I gave him a little smile.

"So, all the things I do is because of that," I said finally. "You never know when you're going to die, so you might as well do as many crazy, fun things as you can before it's too late. I believe that with every essence of my being, and that's why I am what I am."

Zayn didn't say anything. He just looked into my eyes, staying as still and silent as a rock. And I guess that would describe how I was, too.

He then leaned closer a little, causing my heart to beat insanely faster.

But then he just whispered, "That's a very good reason."

I smiled and nodded. A smile slid onto his face, and then I started giggling.

"Okay, enough with this seriousness," I sighed, taking a step back. I looked around the forest. "You wanna go off the trail?"

"You sure?" he asked.

"Obviously," I grinned, winking at him. I took off to the right, maneuvering my way through the trees, careful not to slip on the wet grass and leaves fallen.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I screamed. I turned around to see Zayn, but I guess I turned too quickly because I slipped on the wet grass like I'd feared, and was about to fall. Zayn, thankfully, noticed and caught me before I landed.

Neither of us said a word. I don't know why, but I suddenly had a lump in my throat, keeping me from being able to use my voice. I tried to say something, but when I parted my lips slightly, no sounds came out.

"You don't have to say anything," Zayn said quietly and reassuring me.

I was about to mouth 'thank you', but then I lost that ability, too.

Because a pair of lips landed on mine.

My eyes flew closed, and I felt my heart stop, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything at the moment. I let my hands slide up from behind Zayn's neck and into his hair, entangling my fingers, and I swear I could feel him smile into the kiss.

Kiss...

I'm kissing Zayn Malik.

But I'm engaged to someone else...

That thought alone was what made me pull away as fast as I'd been brought to Zayn.

"I'm sorry..." I managed to say before running away as quickly as I could.

I was running through the forest, in the rain that now felt really uncomfortable. My head ached, and so did my heart. I let myself fall against a tree, and I landed in a patch of leaves.

One thought kept haunting me about that kiss.

I liked it.