Impulse (Published)

Eighteen

Ms. Evelyn was out to get me. My ass was grass and she was going to mow it.

However if only she knew I fucked her man...well ex-man. In a way it made me feel like a harlot but I knew that wasn't true, it was just my fear.

But the question was...well what do I do next? What do I say next?

Right now I couldn't say or do anything because I was still recovery from actually losing my virginity to Ian.

When I got home, the aching began and it hurt to pee. I felt an uncomfortable ache everytime I would clench together and so I got a bag of ice and placed it on my lower area...that didn't help.

I wanted to tell the girls but I didnt know where to beign, plus I was ditching school today to go with Violet for when...they shaved her hair, so that was the wrong time and place.

So for now I just decided to keep it to myself for now.

I really wasn't prepared for anything that was to happen today; I wasn't prepared for emotions or tears- but I knew they were coming.

Aryiana picked me up around 9 in the morning and I could already tell she was out of it.

She looked even more exhausted than before- like she had not gotten any sleep in weeks. Her hair wasn't brushed which was a first for Aryiana. She was wearing a t-shirt and black jeans but no makeup- or any jewelry.

I glanced down at her arm where I see marks from her rubber band were now purple. She was bruised.

"Hey," I whisper and she looks up at me briefly.

"Hi," She whisper, forcing a small smile.

"How are you feeling?" I ask and she shrugs and begins to back out of my driveway.

"Hows Vi holding up?" Is my next question.

"She didn't sleep most of last night. She was trying to shake it off and took a bunch of selfies to remember herself with hair." Aryiana explains and I feel sharp pangs in my chest. This was hard on us but I couldn't imagine how it must be for her.

"Sage is already there at the hospital. Violet requested one of the nurses do it- she fancies her." Aryiana say and we both chuckle.

There was nothing left to really say- what could we say?

Our senior year was crumbling from the floor up and there was no time for laughter. No time to see the beauty in any of this pain.

Just question a God for not having mercy.

Questioning the odds for NEVER being in our favor. I should've known- The Hunger Games taught me that.

Questioning the fault in our hearts. The wavering in our faith in each other.

It then began to reflect on me.

Was I indulging in these sexual acts to avoid reality? Was I so caught up in the world of my novel that I couldn't face the world I was in?

I was then questioning myself.

Was I searching for male attention to fill a hole that's inside me that I never knew?

I convinced myself that I was simply overthinking and we drove to the hospital in silence.

Violet had no expression once we walked into the room where she was being held. She was in the hospital gowns, playing with her hair, smelling it, then running her fingers through it again.

Sage was sitting in one of the chairs criss-cross applesauce, sucking on a lollipop.

"Hey amigas." Aryiana whispers and I take a seat next to Sage.