Impulse (Published)

Thirty

THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS WILL BE FILLERS .

There was a silence that couldn't be heard but merely felt. Even the demons had silenced but all for this moment. Our great Queen Violet had fallen and no one dared speak up or out.

I gripped the plant I had given Violet and clutched it. Trying to stop the tears as Aryiana drove us back to my house.

"The nurse said Violet's mom would call us later to talk about funeral stuff." Sage whispered and I saw nothing, I don't even acknowledge the statement. There's not much for me to say.

In a way, it was if we were all in denial. That even though we all broke down in the hospital...that was only some of how it really was.

We went home and sat in my room, neither of us talking...Aryiana turned on her music, playing a playlist that was practically made by Violet.

We then lived through the music, playing the whole Twenty- One Pilots album. From Car Radio to Migraine, Trees, Holding On To You....and then Truce.

I didn't know if any of us could speak, because there was truly nothing to say.

"Now what?" Sage whispers and I roll over.

I didn't want to talk....I just wanted to sleep which was exactly what I did.

My nightmares were worse than my reality for once.

I dreamt of a dark world, the oxygen was replaced with smoke that exalted from the fire.

The fire that burned inside the Hell in our lives. My Hell that just so happened to be in my cranium where my demons were formed and soon they slipped from the missing gaps in my spirit and lived through me.

Through my speech.

Through my actions.

I was a host to something beyond me. Something above me and yet I could tower over myself and scold.

Scold like a disappointed mother.

But as I wagged my finger, I realized I was scolding my reflection.

People think that putting yourself down consists of calling yourself ugly or nothing.

But the critic in my head- the one that scolds me? Not even Simon Cowell could amount to her.

"You were given two eyes at birth- why can't you use them? Why must you be so blind at the monster that mimicked your every move? You were given the tools- now equip them! But you can't. You're as blind as you are dead because once the truth about how worthless you are is spoken to you in the form of your peers, you act like you already know. But you don't! You don't see the failure on the other side of this mirror."

But why did I choose to defy my reflection and not see myself for how I really am?

WAKE UP MARLEY! Wake up!

It wasn't a matter of opening my eyes- but opening my mind. My heart.

My soul.

I had to open up to my pain. Analyze it. Give it attention because the more I stuffed it down or three it in a bottle. It gave it more power. My demons waited until the right moment, just to watch it overflow.

And now is it poured out of me like a waterfall. It burned like fire all at once and I tried to catch the ashes.

For proof. I tried to remember all for what I was angry and upset over just so if anyone were to ask I could tell them.