Impulse (Published)

Sixteen

No words could describe how I was feeling.
One of my best friends had an eating disorder and the other had fucking cancer.

I stared dumbstruck as I stared between the two.

"What?" Aryiana whispers in disbelief. "Leukemia to be exact." She says in a matter of fact tone.

Breathe Marley breathe.

My head felt thick and my throat began to give me the familiar ache. The ache that warned me that I was about to explode into tears.

I stare at Violet and she seems dazed, it was no longer alcohol that consumed her but just emotion.
How could we not see this coming?
How could I not?

"Why didn't you tell us?" Aryiana whispers and Violet breaks out into laughter.

To anyone else, it would've seemed to have come off quite rude and even bitchy but I knew that it was her covering up pain.

Laugh to keep from crying even if that meant laughing at a situation like this.

"You got some nerve." Vi mumbles.
"But this is bigger- this is-"

"Cancer. Yes. I know the magnitude of the situation. My life is at stake- I know but can you really judge me for not telling. You didn't tell. Sage didn't tell," Violet points out and theirs silence.

"So this is different." Sage interrupts and I cut in.
"Violet has a point guys. Everyone's situation is different and you all kept secrets. We doubted each other's friendship."
"That's where you're wrong. I didn't doubt the fact I would be judged for having cancer because it simply wasn't my fault." Vi says and Aryiana clears her throat.

"Listen, I didn't choose to be gay either. Like you didn't choose to be straight. It just happened, I've always been like this." Aryiana says defensively and I see that this conversation was slowly taking a nose dive.

"I didn't mean it like that Aryiana. I'm saying that you chose not tell us."

Well a point was certainly made there.

"The severity of each of your situations doesn't change the fact, no one said anything." I whisper and the bathroom door opens to reveal an administrator.

"Ladies, come on out. Homecoming court is about to be revealed." She tells us and Violet is the first to move through the door.

I look over at Sage who is not making an effort to look at me or anyone for that matter.

Well fuck.

Now what I was supposed to do? How could I approach my friends when they wouldn't allow my help?

We pooled into the gym area and gazed around at our peers.
I was looking at Violet and back over Sage who remained emotionless.

"Hey, I was looking for you. Everything okay?" Zachary asks me and I force a smile.

"Just saw my friends and things got a little bit caught up." I say with a short smile and he nods and then looks at his hand.
"Oh. Here's your drink." He says nervously and I smile.

"Thanks." I mutter and look up and see Ian's eyes on me.

He was watching me like a hawk.

"Vi." I mumble and try to get Violets attention and she frowns at me.

"What?" She growls. Suddenly we're interrupted by the class sponsor again.

"The homecoming queen this year is also another student who has been diagnosed with cancer. We admire her work in the school and has been nominated by the student council." She pauses and there is brief silence.