Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @LaizaMillan, Author of "Beautiful Mistake"

I feel like I'm just going to go on a rant because of how much "slut-shaming" annoys the hell out of me. Society likes to make us women feel very degraded, or wants us to be very 'delicate'. They see us as these weaklings who ALWAYS needs protecting. We're the weak sex, therefore, we're supposed to go by these "rules" society made for us:

Don't like sex.

Uh, okay... what? 

If someone like me is very attracted to my boyfriend, and I'm the one who wants to pleasure my man... it's my business. We have sex. Me initiating the foreplay, or me wearing short shorts with a belly shirt... will women and men see me as some woman who has zero self-respect?

Or will society see me as some slut, therefore, calling me out on my behavior? 

Let's be real - we're just as "bad" as guys when it comes to sexuality. We have needs, too, right? 

So how come when a guy wants to initiate the sex, they get cheered on or get words of encouragement such as "hell yeah, get that ass!", but if a woman does the same, they get dirty looks, and receive hateful words such as "wow, slut much?" or "learn to close your legs, you damn slut"? 

I lost my virginity to my ex. To be honest, I regretted it only because I found out what a player he was. I was such a naive teenage girl back then, I thought he actually cared. I was one of those dumb idiots who thought sex = love. 

Yes, I was that bad. 

I started dating this guy and he asked if i was a virgin. Stupidly, I told him yes. He told me he was also, and that he wanted to lose it with me because he loved me. I thought I was in love with him also.

Fast forward to the inevitable: I lost my v-card and regretted it when i found out he had been cheating on me. In my book, "Beautiful Mistake," I added that experience of mine to the main character.

I was astounded with some of the comments:

"That's what you get for opening your legs, slut!"

"She was stupid enough to believe him. I have no sympathy."

"She's a slut for believing in him."

"I don't feel sorry for her, because she's a slut."

That really annoyed and kind of hurt me because my readers don't know that whatever happened to the main girl character, happened to me. Does that mean in real life they'll see me as some slut when I'VE ONLY SLEPT WITH ONE GUY MY WHOLE LIFE???

Do people these days really still think like that??

There is a difference between sleeping with only one man and sleeping with thousands. I slept with one guy my whole life, how does that make me a slut? Last time I checked, the definition of slut means sleeping with numerous people. 

But even IF I decided to free my body for pleasure towards men, that isn't anyone's business but mine. 

How dare society tell us that we should be ashamed of wanting to feel sexy or of anything that has to do with our sexuality? This type of logic is brain washing young girls to believe sexually active teens are "sluts" or "whores". 

Don't be ashamed. 

Women should NOT be attacked by their peers for wanting to express their sensual side. Wear whatever you want, and if that makes men (or women!) around you feel uncomfortable... That's their own problem. It really is your body and you should love it. Go and have sex (if you're truly ready!), don't be ashamed for wanting to; you're not a slut. 

But don't do it for the wrong reasons. Do it knowing you love yourself. Don't do it for a guy you think is going to leave you if you don't lose your virginity to him. And if you did and you feel bad - don't. You can learn from this, and you'll find someone else who will love and respect you. 

If you're one of those people who wants to wait for marriage - I'm proud of you! That's really good, too! But for those who are slut-shamed, bullied, or hit on because they lost their virginity or because they like to wear certain clothing to express their individuality - you do you, Hunny. 

Again, you're not a slut. 

Us women need to stick up for each other and help one another out. Girls, don't go around calling your friend a slut if she tells you she lost her v-card. Don't call her a slut if she got pregnant by accident. Don't call her easy if she regrets losing it to some asshole.

Don't. Slut-shaming is wrong.

Laiza Millan is a 23-year-old feminist. Follow her on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/laizamillan90