Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by Anonymous

Hi, I'm N (I really don't want to reveal my name). I just wanted to tell you my story so far since these other girl's stories that I've read inspired me. I started at a new school in January this year. It was lonely for the first few weeks because nobody would talk to me. And I had moved from Holland to London a few months back so I didn't have any friends who shared the same interests, all I had was anime. I've loved anime for a long time; it's the only thing keeping me going during my dark times because I feel that I can escape from my life and from everything.

Then I finally got two friends in March. Their names were L and J (J is a girl). J went to a different school though, so I only saw her during my GCSE option classes. And L never knew how lonely I was - heck, how lonely I still am. At school I had a crush but he bluntly rejected me because I was different and his friends (who used to be mine as well) teased him. During my science class this boy named A, who sat near me, used to call me names and make fun of my anime. I put on a brave face at school, making comebacks and acting like it doesn't affect me. Which it didn't for a while, till my family started making fun of me, too.

My mom is a super traditional, super strict, Somali woman who believes girls should stay in the kitchen, never achieving anything, and marry a rich man and have many kids. Well, I don't want that but she forces it onto me. I just want to be free to be myself.

My older brother is the only one on my side. My mom called me ever name under the sun from 'bitch' to 'bastard' to the fact that I was a mistake and shouldn't have been born and that she regrets keeping me. I've been hit before by my mum and she thinks I'm a freak. But she doesn't know. She doesn't know how bad those words affect me or how bad I feel. I have nobody in the world who knows how bad I feel.

My mom is the centre of my self esteem issues, my depression, my anxiety, and my anger issues. She's called me fat as well, just because I'm bigger than some of the girls in my school. In my head I'm thinking, does she want me to become one of those skinny, self-obsessed girls who wants to bring people down? No, I don't want to.

My friend J offered for me to move in with her but I can't, not now, my mom will find me either way and I'm only 14. She basically calls me a freak. So far I've cried myself to sleep countless times and the only thing keeping me from moving in with my friend is the fact that I don't want my little baby brother to grow up without me. That's my story so far and it's still like this. Once I start University I'm never going back to my family. J and I are planning to move in together and become anime creators (we have back up jobs). It's my dream and I fully intend to make it true.