For My Aching Soul

Chapter 34

Rolan's P.O.V.

My office looked a lot bigger with none of my things in it. I stood in retrograde to the first day I moved into it. Which was truly not that long ago. Taking my final looks, the room looked very insignificant without the presence of Nicole. Much like my life was about to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was excited to see my daughter and relocate closer to her but I, despite my better judgement, had fallen for Miss Sinclair.

Alex had approached me that night, after he caught Nicole and I in my office, with an ultimatum.

"I want you to understand clearly that I have no sympathy for you at all and that what I am about to propose is merely for the sake of Nicole," he was formal, but no longer cold.

I nodded, urging him to go on.

"Either you clear out and relocate by next week or I bring this to the board and get your medical license revoked as I should," his lips pressed into a hard line after he spoke.

"I can't just get up and lea-" he cut me off before I could protest the notion.

"Listen, Nicole says you didn't hurt her and she's under the impression that she loves you. Now, I'm taking her word for it. I'm going to believe that this was merely a hiccup. Now, if I were you, I'd take the glass of water I am so generously offering you, swallow it in one big gulp and get out," though Alex was considerably shorter than me, he appeared big in saying these words.

He didn't wait for me reply before storming out of my office. He was right. There was no way I could remain at Burkley. It was too dangerous. And so with that, a week later, here I stand in my empty office...feeling nostalgic for a place i barely had time to settle into.

Everyone bought the story that I just missed my daughter too much with ease, raising no eyebrows at all. Which I was grateful for. I hadn't seen Nicole since that day in my office but I could still feel her soft lips on mine...feel the form of her body in my arms. I was going to miss her. But this was the right thing to do.

I stood in the grand driveway of the manor at 7:00 p.m. watching a lanky man load my few belongings into the back of a medium moving bus when I heard it. The sweet sound of Nicole Sinclair.

"You're leaving?" It came from behind but I didn't dare look.

"Yes, Ms Sinclair," I swallowed hard.

She didn't reply. I thought for a moment she had left until I felt soft warmth engulf me. She had wrapped her arms around my waist from behind an nuzzled her face into my coat-clad back.

"Don't." she whispered and I broke.

"I have to," I responded, my eyes now close.

"I know...and I am so sorry," I could tell she had began to cry by her tone.

I reopened my eyes.

"Don't do that," I didn't want her to blame herself. It wasn't as if my career had ended. I was simply moving away. Far away to where I couldn't cause any implications.

I pried my body from her arms and walked over to my car. I. didn't. dare. look.

Nicole's P.O.V

I had informed Lennie and Sam of what happened the next day. The two were scared shitless for me. Lennie more so than Sam who thought it was only a matter of time until playing with fire burned me. It was hard to not see Rolan. I had instantly been assigned to a new Doctor (female) chosen by Alex and Rolan no longer lead group meetings.

I was left to assume the worst. That the matter was indeed taken to the board and Rolan had been fired or worse...sent to prison but Lennie assured me that if this was the case I would have been called on by the court to give my statement.

Rumors, after four days or so, began to spread quickly among the patient population that Doctor Gaines would be leaving Burkley to work on an important assignment. I just wish I could know for myself. Alex never said anything to me about what happened so asking him was always pointless. I wanted so badly to be upset with him but I know he was only trying to be a good person.

I had felt a strange kind of peace though, in Rolan's absence. I took my medication, followed through on my routine and told my Therapist what she wanted to hear. I wasn't happy but I wasn't hurting anymore either.

It was a week after the incident that one of the rumors concretized. Rolan Gaines was moving back to his home town to be closer to his daughter. At Alex's request I'm sure. I needed to say goodbye though. I needed to see him one last time. I needed this closure. It wasn't a luxury I was afforded in the end of all my previous relationships.

I waited in the lobby for nearly three hours until I finally saw his pass by at a couple minutes to 7:00 p.m. He didn't look in my direction. I wasn't sure if it was because he saw me but didn't think it wise to acknowledge me or if he hated me. But I followed him out anyway. Slipping easily by security, who was too busy flirting with the receptionist.

There he was, Rolan.

We exchanged a few words but as I hugged him I knew it would be the last time and so I focused less on what was said and hugged a part of my soul into his body. A part he could take with him wherever he decided to do. As he drove away, closure was the last thing i felt.