For My Aching Soul

Chapter 12

The last week was really a blur for me. I can hardly remember anything. My father had taken me home from the hospital and wouldn't let anyone see me. He kept muttering how I was an attention seeker trying to ruin his career. I kept silent. It was either because I couldn't physically form words or because I didn't have anything to say. I wasn't sure.

The pills I had taken would've worked if Abriana didn't find me. A handful of 500 mg Advil was my ticket away from this world. There was nothing left for me here. My mother was taken away from me, Stanley was demolished....I just wanted peace.

My father told everyone who came to visit that I had pneumonia and I just want ready for visitors. I could hear him downstairs fabricating stories and his care for me. When they left he would come up to my room and say, "People are too damn nosy these days. Are you happy? You're the talk of the town."

I couldn't really express how I was feeling to my father or anyone...not even myself. I couldn't put into words how cripplingly empty I was inside. I couldn't vocalize how depression and anxiety felt coiled so deep within me that sometimes I tried to release them out my mouth.

I hated myself. For hurting Abriana more than anything. She must be so scarred.

I was pulled from my train of though when I heard a soft knock at my door.

Before I had time to conjure up the simple yet so complex words 'come in', I heard my father speak, "Just go in. She doesn't do much talking these days. I guess she thinks we can suddenly read her mind."

I knew it was Abriana. I had invited her here through my father but didn't feel at all prepared for this moment.

The door pushed open slowly to reveal a very tired looking Abriana. Her hair was a mess over her shoulders, her skin looked like all the color has been drained from it and her body thinner than usual. I was one to talk...I looked just as bad (or worse).

She didn't dare look at me. She closed the door and stayed facing it for a while as if battling with herself.

After a while she took a deep breath and turned to face me. Her eyes were watery and her lips trembled as she spoke,"Hey."

I couldn't speak so I just nodded slowly.

She stood there just looking at me. I suppose she too couldn't find the words.

Our bodies became magnets and between us we held perfect silence. Both feeling drawn to reach out to the other but resisting.

After several minutes, Abriana gave in and came to hug me. She embraced me wholly, not leaving an inch of my curled up body unhugged. I couldn't move, my body just wasn't cooperating but for the first time in days I found words. "I'm so sorry Abriana," I whispered as tears rolled down my cheeks in a hot line.

"Sshh. Don't ever say sorry for hurting, Nicole," she hugged me even tighter.

It was nice, after all these days in solitude, to feel embraced instead of rejected.

We stayed like that for awhile before she finally released me.

"How are you?" she asked with sympathetic eyes. From any stranger this would have been cliché but from her it meant the world.

I took a deep breath, my eyes closing a bit. The question was almost orgasmic. No one had asked me that in so long. My dad didn't let Junie see me, she was the only person who use to ask.

"Better now that you are here," I answered, reopening my eyes.

Abriana looked down at her hands for a while before meeting my eyes again. "I wish-" I cut her off before she could say it.

"Please don't," I mumbled, now being the one to look down.

Silence fell between us again. I didn't know how I was going to tell her I was leaving. I didn't know how I was going to tell her goodbye now when I didn't have the decency to do it the first time.

I guess my father sensed my predicament because he came bursting into my room a moment later.

"Abriana, you're gonna have to go soon. Nicole needs her rest, she has to be up early tomorrow for the drive up to Burkley," he moved toward my closet as he spoke, pulling out my suitcase which was already packed and stuffing something that I couldn't see into it.

Abriana, whose attention had been momentarily given to my dad, turned to look at me abruptly. She waited until my father left before she spoke.

"You're going upstate?" she asked me, a look of confusion washing over her face.

"Uh...yeah," I responded softly.

"Why?" the confused look didn't go away.

My mouth tried to form the words but I couldn't. I was too embarrassed to tell my own best friend that my father was shipping me off to a mental institution. So instead of speaking I reached into my nightstand drawer and handed her the pamphlet for Burkley Manors which my father had flung at me three nights ago and said that's where I'd be going to fix my problem.

Abriana scanned over the small booklet and scrunched her eyebrows together even more than before.

"Isn't this place like...for rich crazy people?" she sort of scoffed out the last part.

I didn't say anything. She continued, "You need the support of people who love you so that you can be okay. Not some people in uniform paid to give a shit." She exhaled a bit dramatically after she finished and then let the pamphlet fall to my comforter, resulting in a low thudding sound.

I still didn't say anything. Instead, fresh tears welled up in my eyes. That's when she hugged me again. This time my arms let me hug her back. It felt like I was holding on to the last real, pure thing in this world.

"I love you so much Nicole. I'll write you every single day and if I don't its because I got ran over by a bus. I promise I'll let my mother drive me up to see you every weekend," Abriana was rambling but it was heartfelt.

"I love you too Abri," was all I said, a small smile on my face.

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Hey guys,

I know this chapter is really long but aww Nicole and Abriana say goodbye. It's time to delve into Nicole's time at Burkley a bit and then the plot will skip to present day where she meets Dr Gaines. I am super excited! Please vote, comment and share. Also go follow my Instagram @jada_bing where I post my poetry, thanks. - Jada.