For My Aching Soul

Chapter 33

Breathe Nicole. Breathe. It's going to be okay. Rolan won't get fired. But he'll hate you. No this isn't your fault. Breathe Nicole.

I was pacing around my room mentally mapping all the consequences of not being able to control my stupid hormones. Yes, Rolan had kissed me but it was I who constantly encouraged him to. Now, he was going to not only be fired but possibly arrested. I needed Lennie, and even Sam,now more than ever. But they were nowhere to be found. Perhaps in their own personal sessions. Not stupidly kissing their doctors of course because they were in a normal relationship with each other. People their own damn age.

After a while of pacing I collapsed on my bed and shut my eyes real tight. Thinking that this must have been some horrible nightmare I could simply wake up from but the knock that sounded on my door 10 minutes later took the hope of this being true right away.

Rolan's P.O.V

After Nicole left the room Alex and I engaged in a small staring contest before he finally spoke.

"I am beyond myself with rage right now. How could you take advantage of a patient? I actually respected you," his voice was cold and still...venomous.

"Alex, it isn't what you think, okay?" I tried to reassure him though I knew deep down he thought it was bad and wrong....and it to a very large extent it was.

He laughed bitterly, "What I think is that I just caught you pressed up against a 17 year old girl who is here to be treated for the plethora of issues she has by you!"

I didn't know what to say, slightly distracted by the pain he has exacted in my face moments ago.

"I know nothing I can say right now will make this situation better so all I can ask now is what actions you're going to take," I spoke slowly, surrendering to what had happened. I knew the risks of remaining Nicole's doctor with these feelings I felt for her. Now I had to pay the consequences.

"Well normally I'd report this to my direct superior which would be you but since you clearly don't know how to act like one I'm going to the board. I hope you rot in jail you sick freak," the words rolled off his tongue smoothly as if he had confirmed within himself a suspicion he had for a while.

"I understand," I muttered out.

He scoffed one last time and shook his head before storming out. My only hope as I watched after him was that my negligence wouldn't affect Nicole too badly. She deserved to be happy and comfortable.

Alex's P.O.V

As I charged from his office, I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe what I had witnessed and didn't know where to begin with my thoughts. The idea that perhaps something was happening between them had crossed my mind briefly before I went on vacation when he shot daggers at me in the library. But as soon as the thought had come, it left. I never imagined that it could be true. I racked my brain on what needed to be done as I made my way to confront Nicole.

I knocked on her door in a steady rhythm of concern. A language I hope translated as I spoke to her. After about 3 minutes she finally opened it, worry deeply embedded in the fabric of her face.

I exhaled and invited myself into her small room. It was nice out today, light filtering into the my barred window causing grill like shadows to spray across the white walls.

I leaned against her dresser and folded my arms, considering carefully what to say and how to say it. She sat on her bed, a good distance away, eyebrows knit together in fear.

I exhale.

She does the same, much more dramatically though.

"Did he hurt you?" was what I settled on.

"What? No!" She scoffed, seemingly shocked that I thought so.

"Nicole, I know you may feel like you have to protect him but he should have been protecting you. Instead, he took advantage of you. I need you to be honest with me," I normally had a more gentle approach to these things but Nicole had a way of evoking a pointedness in me that far surpassed my training. Perhaps this what Gaines felt as well. I cringed at the thought.

"I-I...he didn't hurt me, Alex. You have to believe me. It's my fault. I've been trying to seduce him for months and today was the first time he ever even touched me like that," the words spilled out of her mouth in a hurried fashion. As if she believed time was the problem here.

It was common for victims of sexual abuse to protect their abuser.

"You can trust me. I only want what is best for you. You know that. What Doctor Gaines did is not okay. Whether or not it was only a one time thing. You are a minor...his patient. He should know better," I looked down, suddenly stricken by the idea that perhaps Nicole wasn't the only young  woman he was....

"I know I can trust you, Alex. But I can also trust him. He didn't force me into anything, he's never done anything but his job. Yes, I know that you might think this is some classic case of abuse of power but it's not like that," her eyes began to water, a calling card for me to believe her.

I sighed, struggling internally, "It doesn't matter what his intentions were or even yours. All that matters is that he violated his code of ethics and the law, Nicole."

Though my head was slightly bent, I could see as she rose from her bed and walked over to me, "Alex, I love him."

My head shot up, I didn't know what to say.

She continued, "I've only ever loved two people in this world. One is dead and the other now treats me like I'm dead. My point is, love isn't something I've indulged very often so believe me when I say I love him and he didn't harm me in anyway. I know what harm looks like, trust me on that. Okay?" At this point she had taken my hands into hers and was begging, voice croaking from crying.

A large part of me broke as I listened to her. I did trust Nicole...that he did hurt her and that she loved him. But I knew deep down that no matter what....I still had an obligation to report this. Because if I didn't. Someone would.