For My Aching Soul

Chapter 29

My sessions with Dr Gaines had become primarily concerned with me expressing myself since then. I would write letters to him still and he would read them but instead of replying in the same way he would just do it vocally. He was as kind as ever to me and still more friendly than permitted but we never spoke of our overly sexual moments of flirtation again. I guess this was for the best. Lennie was especially disappointed to know I had given up so easily but I was just way too tired to put myself out there in knowing that nothing could ever be of us. It was Wednesday and I now sat quietly in group session which was led by Dr Gaines. This was his only other job than being my psychologist and general practitioner at this time. However, he had informed me last evening that he'd be getting three more patients by the middle of February. As it was the last week of January, I was dreading not being the center of his attention anymore.

"Nicole, what is yours?" Dr Gaines' voice pulled me out of my train of thought. I was very confused as I hadn't been listening to him.

"What's my what?" I question quizzically.

Dr Gaines chuckles slightly, "Someone's a bit dazed."

"Sorry," I mutter, averting my eyes from his perfect face.

"No need to apologize. I asked everyone to tell me what their favorite memory from being home was in a few short sentences, it's your turn," he explained to me, a sympathetic smile curled on his lips.

I think for a moment before replying, "Uh maybe dancing with my best friend, Abriana."

Saying her name made my chest pang. Abriana was now just another person who was taken from my life by my father.

"Why is that?" Dr Gaines asked, seemingly interested, and I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him. I didn't feel like talking about how I'd been abandoned by everyone.

"This isn't a personal session, Doctor. I'm not obligated to gut myself in front of everyone. Just the no-good staff. So, please, drop it," I spit and get up from my chair. I walk over to my room and slam the door.

I plop down on my bed and let the tears come. I felt defeated, exhausted, broken...

A knock on my door interrupted me from continuing to list my negative feelings. Before I could decide if I wanted to invite the person in or ignore them, my door opens to reveal Dr Gaines. He looks down at me momentarily before coming into the room fully and closing my door behind him.

"Don't you have a group session to lead?" I ask, my voice reflecting that I'd been crying.

"Well, yes but I asked Miss Allione to continue for me so that I could come talk to you," I felt the bed sink beside me signifying that he sat down.

"Why would you do that?" I ask softly.

"Because I care about you and you are a bit more irritable today than usual so I'm worried," he replies quickly and effortlessly.

"You're wasting your time," I retort.

"I'm sorry you think this is a waste of time but I don't so I'm staying until you feel better," he lays down beside me now and my heartbeat speeds up.

"Isn't this awfully inappropriate?" I turn my head slightly to look at him.

"Awfully," he turns to look at me too so our faces are very close.

I say nothing, I become too busy looking at his lips.

"Eyes up here, Nicole," he laughs as he notices where I'm looking.