For My Aching Soul

Chapter 23

December 18th 2016

With Christmas fast approaching I found myself feeling more glum than usual. The season came with many memories of my mother. I'd help decorate the tree we spent hours searching for. We'd bake gingerbread cookies and Christmas cakes together. We would always spend days shopping and wrapping gifts. She'd always act like she didn't get me anything though. Then when Christmas morning came around I'd wake up to many gifts....

They had decorated Burkley from head to toe with a huge Christmas tree in the lobby. Apparently persons actually exchanged presents here. Though I wondered how...what with not being able to go anywhere unless taken by a proven family member.

As I sat reading "The Fault in Our Stars" by Stephen Chbosky for the 1000th time and came upon the part where it was Hazel-Grace's birthday, I suddenly remembered that my own birthday was a week and a couple days away. In approximately nine days, December 27th, I would turn 17. I suddenly felt warm inside when I remembered how great the holidays were for me when I was younger, what with getting two times the presents. But I was suddenly cold again when my mind drifted to all the Christmases after my mother died. My father was never home for one. I usually spent it with Junie or Abriana.

I sighed heavily, closed the book and got up. I figured I might as well return to my room and sob where no one could see me. As I was heading to Wing B-32 from the library, with my eyes down and my pace a bit over average, I bumped into someone. I quickly looked up and began apologizing before I even registered who I had bumped into.

"I'm so so sorry, I should have been looking where I was going," I began babbling but I immediately shut up when those green eyes pierced into my less exciting greenish but more brown ones. It was Dr Gaines.

He chuckled and I melted into a puddle, "It's completely fine. It was partly my fault as well, I had my nose buried in this folder." He held up a brown folder and waved it a bit as he spoke.

I had no clue what to say so I just stood there awkwardly staring at his beautiful face and feeling warmed by his sun-kissed Carmel skin. He must have grown up where there was lots of sun..more than Lakeshore anyway.

"Nicole, is it?" He raised one eyebrow as he tried to confirm my name.

"Yeah. Dr Gaines?" I do the same, though I was well aware and absolutely sure of the name that I had in my head for the past two months.

He nods and reveals that award winning smile.

I rock back on my heels, hugging my body.

"Are you alright?" He asked, worry quickly evading his features.

"I thought you weren't starting work here until next year?" I didn't answer his question. Instead, I presented my own.

"Ah, yes. But to be fair, next year in literally two weeks away," he was only joking but I suddenly felt stupid for asking.

"Right," I mutter and cast my eyes down at my shoes.

"I had some paperwork to finalize so I drove up last night," he explained, seeing that his joke didn't have the effect he hoped.

When I looked back up at him I, for the first time, realize how much shorter I was. He had a tall formidable figure, one that was very attractive and inviting yet...intimidating.

"You never answered my question," he pointed out, matching my stance by folding his arms as well.

I couldn't help but smile and for the first time in months I answered this question as honestly as my mind would allow, "I'm just surviving, you know?"

It was a rhetorical question but he answered, "I totally know, being a Doctor and all." He was big on jokes and at this one I laughed...a real laugh. I hadn't heard my own laugh for a very long time.

Suddenly a silence fell between us and we just looked at each other for a minute but what, for me, felt like hours. He was the one to break it.

"I have to get going. I have a meeting with the other Doctors but I'll speak with you before I go," he unfolded his arms and stepped back a bit. We had slowly lessened the space between us without even realizing it. Or maybe I had done that.. being my weird self.

"Go?" I question. Trying to get him to stay just a moment longer.

"Yes. I head back home tomorrow evening. Then I officially move here January 6th," he spoke this very quickly as if he had momentarily been torn between sharing and not sharing this with me but responded before he had proper time to decide.

"Oh. Well, I'll see you around Doctor," I smile and wave as he walks away.

I silently cursed myself as I walked to my room. Here I was crushing on his man who was totally off limits and would never see me how I saw him. I was just a kid...a crazy kid. I was screwed for sure and it would be worse when he actually started working here. In fact...he had invaded my dreams every night since I saw him back in August. What's gonna happen when I have to see him every day?

Maybe I'll get turned off out of embarrassment when he starts asking me about my cycle. That's if I'm lucky enough to get him for my therapist.
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