For My Aching Soul

Chapter 25

Present Day- January 7th 2017

I had taken Dr Gaines' advice and started writing. It had actually helped. I channeled everything I was feeling into it and the more I wrote, the more physically lighter I felt...like a weight was slowly being lifted off my shoulders. I had chosen "as I am writing to you now" of all the ways he listed in which I could express myself. Therefore, I was writing in the form of letters. I had done this in a small amount after my mother died. I would write to her, sort of informing her of everything that was going on. But this type of writing would be different. It would express new feelings.

When I first started out they weren't addressed to anyone. I like to think of it as writing into the atmosphere where my feelings would dissolve and trickle down in the form of a calming rain.

However, as I got into the idea of it more, I started making addresses to my mother, to my father, to myself. Though I guess you could count that was writing to no one as we were all ghosts. We all had no identity as they had been stripped from us in that exact order.

I had kept my notebook of writings locked away in my nightstand with the card from Dr Gaines stuck between it. Those two items were all I treasured at this point. Not even my own sanity held as much meaning to me.

Speaking of sanity, Dr Gaines had officially started working here yesterday. During our group session, Miss Allione introduced us to him and he sat to join us. He spoke a bit about himself such as what he did and occasionally cracked that award winning smile when someone in the room would ask him something. And might I add that someone was everyone.

As he went around the room answering questions, that I hadn't even heard as I was too busy gawking at him, his eyes landed on me. I suddenly grew extremely hot in my seat and squirmed under his gaze. His must have noticed how uncomfortable it was making me and looked away immediately.

I didn't see him after that and I didn't want him to think I was stalking him by trying to seek him out so I went about my day as normal.

Today was very different. After group session had ended, I saw Dr Gaines in and out of the Wing at least five time coming from or going into Miss Allione's office. I was in the sitting area alone today day, reading the magazine that had been carelessly thrown on the table. It was at least ten issues old. I knew this because it still spoke about Kim's marriage to Kanye...which we all knew was old news.

I tried my best not to stare at the doctor as he made his several appearances but I failed. He, however, did a dandy fine job of acting like I wasn't even in the room. I forced myself not to feel offended because he was clearly busy. He was looking at papers most of the time as he walked. Plus, I wasn't even in the man's age group (he must have been at least 30) and I wasn't his friend. He didn't owe me conversation.

I guess the universe disagreed because when I stood to go to my room, I was still reading the magazine and wasn't looking where I was going and he must have been walking out of the office just then because for the second time in just a couple weeks I bumped into Dr Gaines. My magazine fell from my hands and a folder of papers he had been holding was now all across the floor.

"I'm sorry. I wa-" he didn't let me apologize.

"Its fine, Nicole," he smiled at me but it didn't touch his eyes. It appeared as if something was troubling him.

"Okay then," I mutter as I stoop to help him retrieve his things.

As I put the papers together, as does he, I see my name stand out and can't help but look at what it says. After a while I notice that it's my file.

Name: Sinclair, Nicole O.

D.O.B: December 27th, 1999

Age: 17