Raven Haired Boy ✔

Breaking heart

Although my heart was telling me it was nothing and to just provide him with some space, my mind was telling me to hope for the best and prepare for the worst and that's exactly what I did. 

Taking a deep breath in I decided to harden my heart up and try to quickly rebuild the walls -that he had taken down piece by piece- before he could hurt me. 

I mentally scolded myself for letting my morals go and allowing him to change my ways and views about the world. I wanted to physically slap myself for even thinking that I could ever have a happy ending like normal people.

I wasn't normal.

Happiness was only an illusion that lasted for a short period of time and while it lasted, it was bliss, making me forget what I really was worthy of.

And I was only worthy of pain and sorrow.

Over the course of years, they became my best friends along with anger and hatred as they were the only element that kept me alive so far.

 Love and happiness were alien emotions to me however they were very addictive. It felt like I was coming down from a high on haze period of time that lasted only 4 months for me whereas for some people they lasted forever.

I was like Algae, the Greek goddess of sadness and misery.

***

Two agonising weeks had dragged by as my life became deprived of Caleb. I thought it was going to be easy to block him out and the emotions he ignited within me every time I encountered his beautiful face. It wasn't the same anymore. 

He spoke a little less and smiled almost never as his face held a weeks worth of rough stubble. 

There was also a permanent scowl slapped on his face while his eyes became hard and cold. Sometimes, everyone could physically hear the tension between us but I always tried to cover by talking a little more and smiling almost all the time. 

Sometimes I'd catch him stealing glances at me with his angry eyes forcing me to laugh just bit harder so that he'd maybe fall for me again. I started wearing clothes that he liked on me, just to get an approval form him which to my dismay, never came. 

I kept telling myself I was showing him what he was missing out on but I just couldn't help but feel insecure and stupid about how I still wanted him although I knew he didn't want me due to the fact he didn't even look at me anymore because I disgusted him.

I specially tried to hide my real emotions from Shane because if he knew, he'd probably kill Caleb in cold blood. I also respected how the boys acted around me, they never treated me like I was fragile; maybe due to the fact I didn't act fragile. 

At first they were somewhat concerned but when I put on my Oscar winning acting; they all believed me which was a huge relief. However what hurt me the most was to see Caleb change his classes just to get away from me.

"How are you doing?" Maya asked as we made our way towards the parking lot after school.

"I'm okay." I replied instantly, sugar coating it with a fake smile, praying that she'd buy it.

"Which translates to I'm confused, hurt and I want him back." She halted in her tracks making my heart nearly break out of my chest. With a sigh she weaved her arm with mine as we slowly walked towards her car. 

She was the only person I couldn't lie to anymore, so I didn't bother trying as well. I looked towards the fresh grass, keeping my head down as I watched our feet hit the ground in sync.

"He's stupid for letting you go." She stated making me sigh in pain and my heart skip a beat

"I tried texting him even after that day but I wasn't going to make a fool of myself so I stopped." I replied making me doubt my intentions. Maybe I should have tried harder.

"It's not your fault if he avoids you like a plaque." She rested her head on my shoulder making me smile at how she shared my emotions.

"Honestly I just want to see him happy Maya... I always thought you should love the person who loves you back but I don't know." I paused. "I don't like seeing him sad... although its satisfying knowing without me he is like that."

"You two were like a real couple, it was cute how he got scared 'cause of your mood swings when you were on your period and how he'd always get you ice cream because you always craved for it." We both smiled a sad little smile at the bitter sweet memory.

"I don't understand what I did wrong." I whispered more to myself making her stop and untangle her arm from mine to face me.

"You did no-" She started off with a firm expression on her face which was soon replaced by horror and shock as her gaze darted towards something behind me. "Let's go." She demanded stopping me from turning back to see what caused the sudden change in her attitude. I quickly over took her and turned around to face her making her eyes widen as she moved side to side to try and block my view.

"Maya move..." I demanded shuffling from foot to foot as she kept interjecting my view. "Stop" I held her still by her arms making her stay in one place as I moved to my left to see what she was trying to hide.

My heart stopped at the sight as blood roared in my ears making my heart howl and scream in pain leaving my heart bleeding at my feet. 

Every single pore in my body began to hurt as if they were bleeding out while every single bone in my body liquefy itself. 

It felt like, having a car accident over and over again simultaneously would have hurt less than it did after seeing Caleb hold another girl in his arms as he tenderly kissed her lips. 

Although they were a good distance away from us, I could still clearly see the way he was holding her face in his hands, like he used to hold mine. 

At that moment my legs gave away making me nearly fall on spring's new grass bed while the whole world spun around a little faster than I could handle. 

However I had Maya help me regain my balance as she turned me around from the torturous view, guiding me towards her car.

"It's okay K, you're going to be fine, I PROMISE." She kept repeating the exact same line in my ear but my mind seemed to have frozen as her words sounded like a foreign language to me. 

I don't remember breathing or even blinking the whole ride to her house as she didn't think it would have been a good idea to let me stay on my own.

My mind kept replying every memory I shared with Caleb making my heart ache every time I breathed, while I stared at her blank white ceiling as I laid there, motionless, on her bed making her pace and called Saira to immediately come over. 

I wanted to burst out into tears because of my inside was aching to explode but for some strange reason I just couldn't cry no matter how much I wanted to.

 Every inch of my skin missed him and longed for him and at that moment I realised how deeply and irrevocably in love I was with him. It scared me to infinity to have such strong emotions for someone because I had never expected myself to have fallen in so deep and become a victim of love and heartbreak. 

I missed his touch and his witty remarks to make me smile whenever I needed some cheering up. My fingers started tingling from the memories of how soft his hair felt against my skin every time played with his hair while he'd lay his head on my chest at night.

In my head, time was frozen and I was stuck in a labyrinth of pain and misery like I've never experienced before. I was familiar with agony due to the accident that happened nearly 2 years ago but I guess I was totally wrong. 

I thought I managed to build the walls back that he broke down but I guess I forgot to get my heart back from him before that. 

My mind felt numb synchronising itself with my body as my heart quavered from the image that became embedded in to my brain like a tattooed scar as a reminder of what my life was worth.

Nothing.