Shaycation In Good Taste

Chapter Twenty-Six

Shay

My phone keeps ringing but I just want to be alone. David finally left my house after ordering Sammy to come over. She's currently in the kitchen. I'm laid on the sofa with several bags of Canadian chips, pizza, a bottle of Hennessy and Netflix. This is all I need right now.

Sam: Shan
Shay: (groans) What Sammy?
Sam: Ashley just called me. She's been trying to contact you. She wants to come over
Shay: Tell her I'm busy
Sam: (flinches as doorbell rings) She might already be at the door

I took my blanket and covered my head, groaning even louder. I don't want to explain this to anyone. I don't want to talk about how my heart is broken and stuck in my chest. About how stupid I feel to fall in love with someone that has a fiancé.

Ash: Bitch! Why are you ignoring me?
Shay: Not so loud
Ash: Okay. What the fuck is going on?
Sam: Shan, I'm going to wash the clothes in the laundry room
Shay: Nothing is going on
Ash: Shay, this is me your talking to. Your wifey. I know you better than most. Please talk to me

Her caring voice and how she was talking to me made me cry. My shoulders shook and she pulled me into her arms. I laid my head on her shoulder as I cried. She ran her fingers through my hair and massaged my temples. It felt so good that I started to calm down and eventually dosed off.

I had another dream. I came home from filming, so excited to see Sash and the kids. But when I got there, they were all cuddled up to Hudson. Even our dog rested in his lap as he ran his hand over her back. Our kids staring lovely at him while Sasha was curled up at his side. I tried to run up to them but my feet wouldn't move. I was stuck in place, screaming and crying. I felt someone nudge me and I woke up gasping.

Ash: God Shay! What's wrong?
Shay: I-I-
Ash: Shhh, it's okay. It's okay

I laid back on her lap and stared off into the distance. That dream made me sick to my stomach. But it was so true. Here I am, falling in love with someone else's future, I have no right to be upset.

Sasha

I hate myself for what I've done. I hate that I couldn't be straight forward about my feelings for Shay. I hate that I let my insecurities drive away the one thing I've always wanted. The one person I crave. Tom snapped his fingers at me.

Tom: Sasha, what's going on here? You keep spacing out on me
S: I love her
Tom: (wide eyes) What?
S: Shay. I love her. I'm in love with her

I turned to finally look at Tom and he looks speechless. I chuckled. I knew he wouldn't understand. Nobody will understand. I closed my eyes as I especially thought about my parents. They were literally my number one fans. My parents believed in me so much and they were so proud of me. I could just imagine how much this will destroy them learning that their only door liked another women.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself gay. I'd never had feelings for another woman or even looked at one with interest before. Sure, I could acknowledge that another girl was beautiful or pretty. But never have I ever craved one how I crave Shay. And it's been this way for years. Since the moment we had our first kiss in scene on set. And over the years, the feelings have only grew. I just didn't know that it was be this hard.

I've been calling Shay for two days straight. She's ignored all my calls and texts. I've spoken to Sammy but she hasn't been really my biggest fan. David told her what happened and she's been pissed with me.

It's now a week before Halloween and our Thanksgiving special of Sasha in Good Taste is expected to premiere in a little over two weeks. Hence, while I'm sitting in Tom's office.

S: For God's sake, say something!
Tom: WOW
S: (snorts) Yeah wow
Tom: Sasha, I'm- I don't know what to say
S: How about "Sorry for ruining your life Sasha"?
Tom: Hey, Sasha. We, I had no idea! Why didn't you say something?
S: What should I say? Hey Guys, that kiss meant the world to before I took her in that hotel room and we made each other scream our names?
Tom: (sighs/whispers) This is a nightmare
S: WHY TOM? Huh? Why is this such a bad thing?
Tom: THERE'S TOO MUCH GOING ON SASHA! (Sighs) With your weight gain and PLL ending, it's so hard to market-
S: (laughs/wiping tears) It always comes back to that doesn't it?
Tom: Sasha-
S: No, you know what Tom? Do what you have to do. I can't deal with this.

I walked out of his office with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Tom was one of the main people telling me to lose weight. He told me that jobs were passing me up because of the weight I gained. I just wanted to get back the confidence that I've lost and for people to accept me for who I am. I sat in my truck and cried. Cried because of my pain. Cried for who I am. Cried for the love of my life. I saw the broken look on Shay's face when she left the hotel. It will forever be stuck in my mind. I turned the key in the ignition and drove to the one place where I'd find comfort. I knew I couldn't go inside and be with her, but just breathing the same air as her is better than nothing.

I pulled up outside Shay's house. I noticed Ashley's Mercedes. I saw them in Shay's garden, sitting on her swing. Shay's head was buried in Ashley's chest while she rubbed Shay's hair. It hurt me to know that I'd caused her this much pain. I always screwed things up. I decided to just drive home. Things couldn't possibly get any worse. Could it?