I'm A Loser

Lonely Road

Without Linda or Prudence with him, Paul didn't have much to hold on to. Ivan hadn't known Paul for long enough to fully understand his problems.

Paul began to overdose again.

The cuts on his wrists appeared again.

He was slowly sliding away...again.

He had a gun to his head the other day, luckily Prudence had called right before he pulled the trigger and he went to answer the phone.

That gun was still right there. Just an arm's length away.

He grabbed it.

Looked at it, brought it to his head.

He looked out the window for possibly the last time.

The blue sky, the birds chirping, the bright green leaves on the trees; happy shouts of children playing.

It was hell. Anything was hell without John. Or Linda. Or Prudence. Or George.

"See you in a moment, John." Paul whispered to the sky and pulled the trigger.

Paul heard the door creak and everything went black.

Everything was gone.

"Daddy?!" Julian shrieked. "Daddy?!"

The boy ran to Paul, shook Paul's side, walked over to Paul's left side and saw the blood covered sheets. Paul's eyes had rolled to the back of his head.

"Daddy!" He cried. "Daddy, wake up!"

Poor Julian didn't understand his begging was of no use. Paul was gone.

Julian ran downstairs and tugged on Ivan's pant leg.

"Hey Bud." He smiled.

"Daddy's dead!" Julian screamed.

"What?" Ivan chuckled nervously.

The young boy ran to his room and cried. He watched his fish through his blurred eyes. He found his favorite stuffed animal, one that was actually Paul's, and cradled it.

Ivan ran up to the bedroom and found Paul lying in blood covered sheets.

"Oh my god." He murmured under his breath.

"Paul!" He screamed. "Paul!"

But Paul had seen his last light of life.

Ivan tried to wake him but it was pointless.

He called Linda and Prudence.

The two hurried over, already in tears.

"Where is he?" Prudence cried.

Ivan pointed to his room. She ran up while Linda sat down, emotionless, on the couch.

Prudence opened the door and found the body.

She let out a scream and hurried onto the bed.

"Paul, Paul, Paul!" She cried.

She put her hands through his hair, she touched his cooling cheeks. She lied next to him and cried.

"James?" She whimpered.

Prudence kissed his face all over. She kissed his lips, but never received a kiss back. She refused to call the hospital yet because she knew they would take him away from her.

"Paul, please!" She cried like a baby.

"I love you!" She screamed.

"Paul!" She shouted.

"Oh shut up!" Linda snapped at her.

"Linda." Prudence said in shock, not knowing she was there.

"He's dead, understand?" She asked.

Prudence looked at her, confused about how nonchalant she seemed about this.

"Why aren't you cr-"

"Crying?" Linda finished the sentence. "Well I'm not gonna cry over something I have no control of."

Linda sat in a chair until the room was empty, except for Paul's body.

"Hey, Love." She whispered.

Paul was unresponsive and cold.

Reality began to kick in and Linda lost it. She yelled at herself for leaving Paul.

It was her fault.

Now she knew how Paul felt whenever he said it was his fault.

"It's all my fault." She repeated to herself until it grew into an angry rage.