The Fear Of Loving A Brother ~* COMPLETED~*

Chapter 37

Play when you see the music's name ^^

     Raph, Donnie and Mikey was staying in their lair for months sense Leo's death.
    Splinter was furiated at what happened to Leo and tried to argue with Raph but Raph just stayed in his room and his door locked.
    Raph was sitting on the ground with no mask on or even his belt as he had his back shell against the wall in a corner. Raphs eyes was empty as he tried to keep himself together but to end up always crying.
    Memories of Leo and at how they use to be like and then to find they loved each other. Raph wanted to just be with Leo even if it meant to kill himself.
    But the only thing that kept Raph from killing himself was Leo sense Raph knew Leo would not want Raph to give up.
    Raph then looked at his door thinking that there was nothing left out of his room behind that door.
    But he slwoly got up and started to the door. Raph got his hand on the handle unlocking it as he opened his door.
    The place was dark and silent sense it was already 3 am. But Raph walked into the living room looking around as if trying to find somthing to make him stop feeling like he had no reason to live again or even love.
    So Raph went out of the lair and down in the sewers to the spot he kept his cigarettes and lighter. Once he got to them he grabbed the pack and headed out to the topside and up the roof of the building.
    Raph was walking over and over on roof tops as he had no idea where he was going.
  But he was heading to ehe Bridge. When he got close to where he saw the cars drive on the bridge as the nights lights shined for the humans to see.
    Then as Raph sat down at the edge of the building he grabbed a cigarette and placed it between his lips getting the lighter. Raph light it as he breathed the cigarette in as he slowly removed the cigarette from his mouth to let the smoke out of his mouth while he then watched the smoke disappear in the sky.
    Raph looked up as he then started to notice started to snow as he placed the cigarette back to his lips when a noise came from behind him. But Raph did not care who it was as he just sat there.
    " hey man..." Casey said as he came to Raphs side and looked out at the view with Raph.
   They sat in silence for a few minutes as Casey spoke again. " I know it's hard... but Leo would not want you to mop forever... he would want you to lead your brothers."
   Raph let out another smoke as he then spoke with the cigarette between his lips. " Casey... Leo is gone... how can I be my normal self when I let the one I loved die... what honor did Leo have to die like that..."
    Raph started to cry as he placed a hand on his eyes as he struggled to not have the tears fall. But then still did as Casey looked back out and grabbed somthing from his pocket. " Last week when you two come over... Leo wanted to give this to you... I guess this is Leo telling you to not let anything to change or for you to never forget who you are..."
    Raph looked at Casey seeing a small mp3. Raph hesitated but grabbed it and looked at it for a little as Casey stood up. " do you know who you are?"
    Raph continued to look at the mp3 as he did not answer Casey even though Raph answered in his mind. ' yeah I'm a failure as a son... a friend... a brother... and a lover...'
    Casey then left as Raph then watched Casey leave then grabbed the headphones with the mp3 and put them on as he saw the name of what Leo wanted Raph to listen to.
    Jenn Johnson, your gonna be okay.
    Raph listened and felt his eyes insteantly tear up. Raph stood up amd listed to it as he looked around trying to get a hold of himself.
    Raph then started to chuckle and looked at the pack of cigarettes that he knew Leo hated. Raph went to the the edge of the building looking down as he stood there.
    Raph then looked up at he looked up at the dark sky as he then chuked the cigarette pack.
      Raph started back home to where his family needed him.
    But as he was walkking in to his home he saw Mikey and Donnie there. Raph looked at them and took in a breath then smiled at them. " Hey guys..."
    Mikey came to Raph fast and hugged him as Raph hugged Mikey back as Donnie came over and joined the hug.
    Raph felt that Leo wanted Raph to watch them two know and to keep them in line with the world. Mikey then started pulling Raph to the living room to watch a movie sense he felt Raph needed.
    Raph did not argue and let's Mikey drag him while Donnie followed. Raph then sat down and Mikey went to pick a movie as Donnie sat next to Raph in the middle of the couch.
    Raph kept his smile and watch Mikey foumd a movie then looked at Donnie watching Mikey. Raph then leaned his head back on the couch as he closed his eyes.
    Then Casey's question came back to Raph. ' do you know who you are?'
   Roah smiled with his eyes closed and answered. ' I'm rapheal, A mutated turtle that loves his brothers and that has and always will love Leonardo.'