The Fat Bitch Diet

Chapter 9 - Scene 4

We regrouped at the adjustable benches, and Christos explained the session plan.

"Welcome to day one: chest and arms. Most of everything we will be using is in this area of the gym. Now, that being said, everybody grab an adjustable bench."

This area of the gym was usually filled with bodybuilders and body odor. Luckily today was not one of those days.

Vik cringed. "Gross, my bench has sweat all over it."

"A tip," said Christos. "Always wipe down equipment that you used. It's standard gym etiquette."

Barbara-Anne reached into her bra and pulled out a handful of tissue. "Here, Vik, use this."

Christos pointed across the room. "Most gyms carry wipes. I believe they are over there by the wall."

Vik gave Barbara-Anne a dirty look while wiping off the bench.

"Don't judge," said Barbara-Anne. "The twins get sweaty."

I chimed in with excellent advice. "Barbara-Anne, just do what I do—wipe them down with flatbread."

Vik looked at me strangely. "Why do I get the feeling you were one of those fanny-pack girls?"

"Hey, fanny packs were fantastic for holding condiments."

After we settled into our cushiony benches, Christos gave us the first set of instructions. "All right, folks, here is the plan: five exercises, each containing three sets of ten reps."

Barbara-Anne raised her hand. "What are sets and reps again?"

"A rep," said Christos, "or repetition, is one whole motion of an exercise and a set is a group of those repetitions."

"Oh, I get it," said Remy. "It's like if I had to change my briefs ten times in a row. That would be one set of ten reps."

"But what if each of those briefs are different?" I asked.

"Oh, you mean like if one pair is clean and the next is full of skid marks?" said Shaniqua.

"You guys have it all wrong," said Vik. "Type and condition of his underwear doesn't matter. He does the same motion every time, right, Christos?"

"Right," Christos said. "Moving on. The exercises we will be doing today are the following: dumbbell chest press, incline dumbbell chest press, cable biceps curl, cable triceps pull-down, cable cross shoulder raise, dumbbell overhead triceps press, dumbbell biceps curl, and dumbbell shoulder press."

As the list was delivered, it became clear that I wasn't familiar with any of the exercises. In fact, up until then the closest I'd been to weight training was lifting up my couch to locate a Fudgee-O.

Shaniqua lowered her head. "Are we gonna be here all night?"

Christos shook his head. "Typically a workout session should be between forty-five minutes to an hour and a half."

Barbara-Anne eagerly stood up from her bench. "Can we go get weights now?"

Clearing his throat, Christos grabbed our attention to make an important announcement. "One last thing before we start. The key to your success will be working together as one unit. I want you guys sharing meal tips, exercise techniques, encouragement, obstacles, etc. Going forward, you five are no longer independent individuals working towards one goal. You five are now what I like to call... a fitness guild."

Cheerfully jumping up and down like a child, I shouted, "Oh my God, that's so nerdy! I love it!"

"Christos," said Barbara-Anne, "I have a nutrition-related question."

"Go ahead, Barbara-Anne."

"I have a recurring dream where I am sexually assaulted by a baked potato. Do you think that means I am eating too many carbs?"

Christos paused for a second and then said, "Umm... no, I don't think that's related. Any other questions?"

The guild remained quiet, giving each other short stares. "I think we're good," I replied.

"Great, let's grab some weights."

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