The Fat Bitch Diet

Chapter 4 - Scene 2

After few subway stops and a quick stop at a gyro stand and a Starbucks, I finally arrived at Central Park.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and the park was full of joggers and dog walkers. I almost forgot what I came here for—I was looking for a big group of heavy people.

A large woman approached me, smiling. "Excuse me," the woman said.

"Oh, hi! You're in the right place. Welcome to the Fat Bitch Diet!" I said, jumping up excitedly.

She gave me a dirty look. "Excuse me? I was about to ask if you saw a small white poodle run by!"

"I am so sorry!" I called, watching the woman walk away.

A mysterious, manly voice with feminine tone piped up behind me. "Oh my gouda, that was totes amaze."

I turned around to see a heavy twenty-year-old Indian male, dressed from head to toe in stylish garb.

"Hi! I am Viol—"

"You're Viola!" he cried. "I am a big fan of your work. I loved the episode where your hair got caught in a blender!"

"Aww, thanks... and you are?"

"I'm Vikram, but you can call me Vik."

"Nice to meet you, Vik! You're here for the Fat Bitch Diet, right?"

"Oh my God, yes! Hey, can you join me for a quick selfie?" Vik pulled out his iPhone and snapped the photo before I could answer. "Is it okay if I tweet this?"

"Sure, go ahead. Umm, do you know if anyone else is here?" I scanned the park in search of heavyset individuals.

"Nope," Vik replied, tapping away on his phone.

I was a bit disappointed, as I was expecting a larger turn out given my newfound viral fame. It was clear that people were not taking me seriously.

"You know what, Vik. Maybe we should stick a pin in this. It doesn't look like anyone else is showing up."

"Hey, wanna join me for a churro?" Vik asked. "I think I saw a stand near the entrance of the park."

"Sure, let's go."

As we walked towards the churro stand, I thought it would be a good idea to get to know Vik. "So, where are you from?" I asked.

"Well, my parents are from India, but I was born and raised here in New York. You?"

"New Jersey, born and raised." I couldn't help but pry a bit into his life. "So... any girlfriend?

"Umm, ya, you just missed her. I, uh, walked with her here. But she, umm, had to go," Vik said, fumbling his words.

"Oh, is she Indian, too? I think I see her over there by the trash cans."

"Viola, that's a homeless woman."

"Oh."

As we reached the churro stand I couldn't help but wonder if I made a mistake with the challenge. After all, my dieting knowledge came from binge watching episodes of Doctor OZ.

The vendor greeted us warmly. "Welcome to Churro Churro, what can I get for you two?" The stand was nothing more than a cart anchored under a large red umbrella, but the emanating smell of sugar and cinnamon was intoxicating.

"Can we get two churros please?" said Vik. I grabbed my wallet out of my purse. "Put that away. It's on me, Viola." Vik smiled, handing the vendor cash.

"Aww, thanks, Vik," I said, smiling warmly.

Just as I was about to take a bite, a familiar voice bellowed from behind us.

"There she is!" the woman shouted. I turned around to see a familiar 65-year-old heavy woman, dressed in Adidas running wear, walking towards me. Beside her was a large twenty-something Caucasian male wearing a plain T-shirt, shorts, and sandals.

"Hey, I know you. Barbara-Anne, right?" I said, scratching my head. Vik was too busy inhaling his churro to notice anything around him.

"Yes, dear, I am Barbara-Anne. Me and Remy are here for your challenge." She was trying to catch her breath.

"I take it you're Remy?" I said, shaking the man's clammy hand.

"Yeah, I bumped into Barbara-Anne a while ago. We got lost looking for you. I get lost a lot."

"So, Remy, tell me about yourself," I said, noticing that Vik and Barbara-Anne were chatting.

"What would you like to know?" Remy asked, looking confused.

"How 'bout something a little personal?"

"Umm, I'm not wearing any underwear. And I once got pneumonia from drowning in a tub."

"That's sounds really serious," I said.

"Oh, it is! My washer broke, so I haven't had clean laundry for weeks."

I couldn't help but chuckle, unaware if Remy was joking or not. He seemed a bit slow, but who was I to judge? "Welcome aboard, Remy. Are you excited to chase your dream?"

"Yeah! Up until now the only thing I ever chased was an ice cream truck."

I smiled warmly and said to everyone, "Well, it looks like it's just going to be the four of us today, so let's get this show on the road."

Vik was glowing with excitement. "Ooh, what are we going to start with first?"

It was a good question, one that I didn't know how to answer. Suddenly it dawned on me: I knew as much about fitness as I did about dieting. My knowledge came from Jane Fonda videos and episodes of The Biggest Loser. I guess that was as good a place to start as any.

I interlaced my fingers against my chest. "We are going to start with some running. You know, just a little warm-up. Oh, and guys, from here on out we have to watch what we eat," I said, biting into the churro.

Barbara-Anne raised her hand shyly. "Instead of running, can I walk briskly? I have bladder control problems."

"Sure, of course," I replied, feeling a bit uncomfortable as pressure was mounting on me. "Well, let's get started, follow me!" I shouted gleefully, jogging away from the churro stand.

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