The Fat Bitch Diet

Chapter 7 - Scene 1

❷⓪⓪ Lbs

November 17, 2016

The following afternoon I was a feeling a little anxious about the upcoming group session. Too much was at stake. On one hand, if I had success I would have Franklin. If I failed, it would have all just been a waste of time. Time that could have been better spent watching Hoarders on A&E.

"Viola!" Shaniqua shouted from across the gym. She was holding a large black garbage bag in one hand and a smoothie in the other. She gestured behind me.

I turned around to see a pregnant lady waiting by the till. "Oh, sorry about that. How can I help you?"

"Yes... ouch... Can I please have... ouch... a large strawberry smoothie?" the woman said, stumbling on her words. Was she having contractions?

"Ma'am, are you okay?" I asked, slowly reaching for a large cup.

"I'm fine. My maternity pants are really tight. I can barely slide my hand into them."

"I completely understand! The last time I was able to slide my hand down my pants was when I discovered masturbation."

"Ooooh!" cried the woman, grabbing her belly. I was certain it wasn't the pants that was causing the pain.

"Are you sure you're okay? You sound like you're having contractions, and believe me I have seen a lot of sitcoms to know what contractions sound like."

"Stop talking!" barked the woman. Sweat dripped off her red face as she walked over to sit at a table.

I figured nobody knew her body better than she did, so I let it go and continued making her smoothie.

"Hi, Viola!" said a familiar voice.

"Hi, Remy! How's it going?" I asked.

"Great! I got the last of my kidney stones out this morning."

"Congratulations, Remy!" I said cheerfully, still distracted by the woman.

"Yeah. Thankfully it wasn't as painful as the time I had to push out a Lego piece."

The woman was moaning, then she started screaming.

"Hey, Remy, I think that woman is going into labor."

"Really? Cause I can help. I once performed a C-section on a duck."

I walked over to the woman, grabbed her hand, and calmly said, "Ma'am, I think you're going into labor. We are going to have to call 911 or knowing my luck it will be too late and I will end up slipping on your placenta."

The woman spoke between short breaths. "I... have gone... to the hospital... three times. Three... false scares. This is... just a... fourth scare... trust me. Ooooh!"

"What if it's not? I think you're cutting it too close. It might already be too late!"

Remy jumped up enthusiastically. "I'll go get a knife!"

I ignored him and looked up to see Shaniqua walking towards us.

"Shaniqua, can you ask Janette to call 911?"

"Is this for real? Is she really about to give birth?" Shaniqua said, bending down.

"Yeah, I think so. This is about to get really messy."

Shaniqua placed her hands on her hips. "Oh, hell no! I just spent half an hour cleaning the floor!"

Paramedics burst through the front door, followed by a woman with a stretcher. "Over here!" I shouted, waving my hands in the air.

The team of paramedics wasted no time and strapped the pregnant woman to the stretcher. As they wheeled her out the door I shouted, "Wait! You forgot your smoothie!"

Remy snuck up behind me with a large serrated knife. "Can I have it?"

With the commotion over, it was time to get my head in the game and mop the various fluids off the floor. I was nervous, as we were going to learn about our greatest challenge: nutrition.

Please don't forget to vote, comment, share :P

P.S. Please add this to your reading list ;)

and Join The Fitness Guild: https://www.facebook.com/groups/361442074272412/