Wattpad Clichés

03. Teen Wolf

3. I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING MATE

I'M HIGHLY AWARE THAT TEEN Fiction, Humour, Chicklit, and Romance aren't the only genres on Wattpad. I know that there are a variety of books with Cliches in them-especially books of the supernatural essence in them. But, I've noticed, that there are a specific type of book in the supernatural realm that makes absolutely no sense to me:

Werewolf Books.

Honestly, I did have my moment where I binge-read Werewolf stories, and it lasted for about a month (Yeah, I thought they were really good), but when they started to grow old with the repetitive bullshit, I really failed to see their hype. I mean, yeah, sure, it's really adorable how he chains her to a bed in some dungeon out of jealousy, or how he threatens to kill her if she leaves, but other than that, it's really the same old bullshit with a different title.

First, can we start with the ranking concept: He is always the Alpha of the Silver Moon Pack.

In most of these books, the main characters are usually around 16-25. These children are not eligible to run a pack of people who move along his every-single-word.

This person is barely out of high school and can barely spell the longest word in the world (but then again, who fucking can?), but he could still run the pack better than his Dad?

Yeah, okay. Cool.

And how in the world can this person be the head of the "deadliest pack in the world" at like, nineteen? You must of went through some real life shit if you're literally killing anyone and everyone who steps in your lane. At nineteen, I think I will probably be getting my driver's license (because I'm honestly so scared to drive like you don't even know), and you're at nineteen, ruthlessly killing like some Michael Myers wannabe..

Crazy. Just crazy.

Why can't they ever be the Beta? Or any other terms in Werewolf books that I honestly don't and cant remember. At least they will still mean something to the pack... Sort of.

Another thing I don't understand is the instinct that Werewolves get when they find their mate.

They, low-key, be doin' some crazy shit. A little voice comes into their - the wolf's - head when they spot their mate, and they get this druggy-whatever feeling like they are high, and then nothing else matters and they have to jump on tables and over tables and shit, and I just sit there like.. tf?

They believe that it's absolutely necessary to do some wacky shit to get to their mate, like call them out on tables and be like, "OMG! TOUCH JENNY AND I WILL KILL YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A ROGUE-"

Wait; on that note.

What the fuck is a Rogue?

They never have any good definitions for it, and when people say them, you just get confused and shit. Apparently, it's this really dangerous wolf without a pack..

But, in some stories, rogues have their Alphas and they have commands and homes..

OKAY, THEN YOU AREN'T A ROGUE. YOU IN THE ROGUE PACK. Welcome to the Squad.

Anyway, back to the instinct = crazy shit thing.

The male start saying things like, "You're mine, don't fuck with anyone else," and crazy stuff like that, and I know that if I was bum-rushed like that, I would begin feeling attacked tbfh.

And they seem so.. normal about it, the girl. She is just singing the Arctic Monkeys and whatever and hops in his Bugatti or whatever and they drive away and have crazy monkey-sex.

And then, when he treats her like shit, she will literally go ape-balls crazy, be pissed at him for a minute, he will apologize, and they will go out to eat and act normal as fuck.

Why do girls in these stories allow guys to treat them like shit? If some guy started treating me like that, mate or not, he will have his balls on a goddamn pedestal above my fireplace, and when I'm drinking my afternoon tea and feeling a little schizophrenic, I will ask said balls how it felt to be cut off of the world's most "ruthless Alpha".

Another thing in the story: The "sluts" - we will cover slut-shaming eventually in this book - who always try to hop on the Alpha's dick and ride him like a stallion or something. Like, in the werewolf world, isn't everyone supposed to have mates? So, why in the world would this chick be trying to hop on this guy's tip when she probably has a mate??

If I had a mate out there somewhere, I wouldn't be trying to fuck anyone except for him, because that is the kind of respect you have for someone who is supposed to be your significant other.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the money-grubbing girls like that need to take several seats with super-glue on them.

Something else I don't understand about Werewolf books is The Mating Process.

Okay? What the fuck is Heat?

Like Rogue, they got too many crazy definitions and I need a proper one.

What are the stages of the Mating Process? And I know you have to do the bite and have wild-buttsecks, but all the other shit is far too difficult for me to comprehend, like I'm in school, studying for finals *wink wank*

I need answers, people.

Plus, why go through all that trouble for people to know you and your mate are.. mated..? You just tell the pack that you're mated and that she is Luna and you're Alpha.

There, solved the problem. Bye.

Finally, if you're really in depth and know the ins-and-outs of Werewolf books, you will have noticed this one thing that frequently pops of consistently throughout books like these:

White Wolves.

According to my own personal statistics, White Wolves are Wolves that have important people in their families or whatever or they have super powers like being flying dogs or whatever?

They are very common in stories, and are mostly females, which is really dumb.

I don't know, I just don't think there is anything remarkable about white wolves (and do not call me racist or against white people, because how can I be racist against my own race uM). Yeah, they have pretty fur, and typically blue or white eyes, but other than that, they have no unique qualities.

Like..! Since when does fur color count for shit? It literally means nothing, bam. Done. So why can't we have rainbow wolves?

Pretty fucking sexy if you ask me.

So, if you see this girl, cuddling and kissing her dog, punch her, because it is quite possible that the dog is a wolf and that she is like.. a dog, too. So they are being Cliche.

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OMG I WRITE ON MY GRANS COMPUTER AND HER SHIT JUST STOPPED WORKING AND NOW I HAVE TO WRITE ON MY PHONE AND IM FRUSTRATED SO SORRY IF THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD AND DOESNT HAVE SUFFICIENT DETAILS.