This Is Where The Title Goes

32

"The Mountain!" cries Princess Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville.

She sighs.

She sighs again.

She sighs again and starts coughing because she sighed too hard.

She continues climbing, even though she could easily teleport to the top.

"Apples!"

Applejack the apple farmer (with the cutie mark of three apples) bumps into Twilight, quite literally.

"Hiiiiiiii friend! Have any problems, conundrums, posers, puzzles, riddles, enigmas, hitches, complications, difficulties, snags, worries, drawbacks, troubles, doubts, qualms, uncertainties, reservations, fears, suspicions, concerns, apprehensions, predicaments, plights, dilemmas, quandaries, scrapes, distresses, impasses, stalemates, standoffs, deadlocks, gridlocks, checkmates, fixes, jams, Catch-22s, pickles, tight-spots, bottle-necks, misgivings, hesitations, questions, queries, inquiries, enquiries, interrogations, requests, reviews, surveys, rogue Twilights, Rubik's cubes, or aaaaaaaaaaaaanything else, that I, as a gooood friend, can help you with?"

"Oh, well, ah've got to find Spike to help me with the timberwolf corpses. Apples! Do ya know where he is?"

"Up the mountain! Glad to be of assistance. If you ever have any other problems, conundrums, posers, puzzles, riddles, enigmas, hitches, complications, difficulties, snags, worries, drawbacks, troubles, doubts, qualms, uncertainties, reservations, fears, suspicions, concerns, apprehensions, predicaments, plights, dilemmas, quandaries, scrapes, distresses, impasses, stalemates, standoffs, deadlocks, gridlocks, checkmates, fixes, jams, Catch-22s, pickles, tight-spots, bottle-necks, misgivings, hesitations, questions, queries, inquiries, enquiries, interrogations, requests, reviews, surveys, rogue Twilights, Rubik's cubes, lost Spikes or aaaaaaaaaaaaanything else, that I, as a gooood friend, can help you with, then just call me!"

It seems to take Applejack a few moments to process everything Twilight has just said. I, on the other hand, amn't even going to try to attempt to process that jumble of problems.

Wait, amn't isn't a word?

Darn.

"Okie dokie, Twi! Apples! Why're you here? Apples!"

"Oh, Spike was going to help me re-shelve the library, but he ran off while I was at a dentist's appointment."

Oh, so 'why're' is a word but 'amn't' isn't? Why is the Narrator the only person who doesn't know this? Rude.

The duo walk up the mountain together, Twilight asking passing butterflies, ants, plants, trees and rocks whether they have any problems, conundrums, posers, puzzles, riddles, enigmas, etc. at regular intervals. Applejack hums a tune in Applenese, meaning that it's not a song, it's probably not a tune, and the lyrics are composed of the words 'apple' 'apples' and 'applity applity app'.

After about a half hour, they take a half-second break for Twilight to light her horn before they keep walking. The Sun has disappeared completely now.

...

Okay, I give up on them. Not interesting enough, and walking too-

"reviews, surveys, rogue Twilights, Rubik's cubes, lost Spikes, or aaaaaaaaaanything else that I, as a gooood friieeee-"

Oh, shut up already.