This Is Where The Title Goes

18

The pink earth pony is telling off her spoon for spying on some royal guards who are taking a census of Ponyville (been a while since they've done that. Thought they'd given up on the whole thing, what with ponies constantly running off to Canterlot, and Appleloosa, and who knows where else)

"... see those row of houses? Empty as bricks."

"Aren't bricks usually quite full inside?"

"... Shut up."

"I think you should stop using similes."

"It was a metaphor."

"No, a metaphor is when you're saying something is something else. A simile is when you say something is like something else. You weren't saying that the house was a brick, you said it was-"

"Just shut up."

Shame. Been a long time since I've overheard a good educational dialogue in Ponyville.

The 'shut up' guard is a tall brown and grey pegasus, while the educational one is medium height, medium white and a unicorn with a horn of medium length. It looks like the 'shut up' pegasus is in charge, and he's going up to the door of one of these houses.

"Silver Spoon, it's not nice to spy on ponies!" hisses Diamond Tiara at her spoon.

'Shut up' knocks on the door, and it opens a crack. I can't see the pony inside, so you can't either, I'm afraid. My apologies.

"Name?" growls 'Shut up', and Mr Educational Figurative Language gets out a clipboard. I'll get a better look at it, seeing that we're invisible...

It seems to have a few papers on it: one is a map of Ponyville with numbered houses, titled 'Map of Ponyville with Numbered Houses: Ponyville Census'. Then there's a list of the numbers and who lives there, titled 'List of Numbers and Who Lives There: Ponyville Census' in messy handwriting. (Or is it hoofwriting?) Then there's a even messier sheet that seems to be a draft of things. It isn't titled at all. If it was, I'd be ready to wager that it would be titled 'Draft of Things: Ponyville Census'.

I've set time back to the original speed, and the pony inside (which I still can't see) answers in a strange voice, dark, alone, sad...

"Nopony lives here anymore."

'Shut up' loses his voice for a few seconds, then harrumphs. "You live here."

"The souls of children, bright and merry,

The blessed hearts, Hearthswarming sherry,

The terror can't wash it all away,

But this time there is more at stake,

The horror that encases us,

The brilliance, wonder, greed, and lust;

No more is there life in Ponyville,

Yet there are bodies moving still."

'Shut up' looks slightly scared and amazed.

Mr Educational Figurative Language looks slightly more scared and amazed.

Diamond Tiara behind the bush looks even slightly more scared and very amazed.

Even Diamond Tiara's spoon looks slightly more scared and amazed than you'd imagine a spoon could be.

The door closes.

"Put it down as one occupant," mutters Shut up to Mr Educational Figurative Language.

The two walk off warily.

Diamond Tiara and her spoon are still looking over the bush.