𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕓𝕦𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕖𝕤

22

Your flyin' high at the show, I'm feeling hot to the touch

You say you'll miss me the most, I say I'll miss you so much

But something keeps me really quiet, I'm alive, I'm a-lush

Your love, your love, my love

--

sleepless nights.
(lower case, whoops)

the clock above my mirror kept reminding me how close it was getting to three am. my balcony over looking the LA nightlife was where I've spent the last hour in a half.

I woke up at one thirty in the damn morning, with sweat all over my body. the dream that scared me I had no recognition of, but I was awake for good after that.

about ten minutes ago I smoked a bowl, trying to get tired. then I smoked another one, but all I got was higher and calm. not tired.

so I laid on the little couch, in my underwear with a long button up shirt. my feet were kicked up on the railing and my head was looking up. the stars stared back at me, full moon and those airplane lights.

my phone buzzed beside me. the name said Nate. he's been out partying all night.

2:53
babygirl. there's a gang fight in this club. they brought out guns and they're firing them!

2:53
baby I'm scared

my heart dropped at his text. another one came in.

2:54
Sammy and I found a hiding place. there's bodies everywhere Al.

I quickly responded. baby it's okay. just make sure they can't see you.

2:56
al they're coming. they're coming closer.

Nate stay silent.

it's going to be okay

one minute passed.
five passed after.
no word from Nate.

I began getting anxious, my foot tapping the bars. my fingers constantly locking and unlocking my phone.

ten minutes.

with that, I stood up, starting to pace the balcony. pace my room, pace in circles around nervously.

are they okay? do they need help? are they... no I couldn't think about that.

the thought of them being hurt seriously made my heart hurt. it stayed in my mind, running differently each time. tears sprung into my eyes.

my friends, taken from me at their prime. haven't even had kids or found love. they hadn't gone out and seen everything they wanted too, gone everywhere they haven't yet, sang songs that are only chords running around their heads.

they haven't bought a house with the one they love, haven't experienced waking up next to someone who makes their heart race.

then the thought of funerals and living life without Sammy and... nate. my best friend and the boy I've grown to like more than just in a fuck buddy way.

oh my god. I like Nate. I actually liked him...

I checked my phone again. 25 minutes. I choked on a sob and slammed my fist on the railing.

behind me, my door swung open, hitting the wall with a small thump. I spun, coming to see Nate, dressed up in his clothes but his jacket all worn. he was breathless, standing there like a zombie.

"nate." i breathed, running to him. he opened his arms and I fell into them, hugging him tightly. he felt so real, so alive under my fingertips. i moved so my arms were under his jacket, clinging tightly onto his shirt. Nates heartbeat pounded against my chest, his breathing matching up with mine.

"you're okay." I said, my voice breaking. he chuckled kinda unhumorously and held me tighter. again, I sighed and buried my face in his neck, holding him tight. my hands moved up slowly and rested on the nape of his neck.

"babygirl." he said softly, pulling back. I didn't let go of him, I don't think I could if I tried. he let go of me and put his hands on my cheeks, cupping my face. then he kissed me, tangling our lips together.

I melted in his arms. my lips just flowing against his in a constant rhythm. it was like I didn't want this moment to end. but he pulled away.

"I need to tell you something." he said, putting his forehead on mine. "I realized tonight, nearly getting caught up in that. it made me realize how much I like you. not just your body, your mouth, or the way you fuck me. no I like you.

"I like your hair, how soft it is when I run my hands through it. I like your lips, the way you can always kiss me and make everything bad disappear. I want to spend actual time with you, go actual on dates not fuck dates, I want to get to know you past the outside layer."