The Life of Leah Clearwater (Book Two)

Chapter 4 - Disappointment. Honesty, and what have I done?

This particular chapter is dedicated to my mothers memory. She left us on 9/13/2010. I'm posting this on 9/13/2013. Mom it's beeen three years since you left us, but every time I write, you're right beside me cheering me on. I love you, and miss you. Thank you for being my angel. 

The numbness slowly passed. Numbness had become a new feeling I was becoming quickly accustomed to. It gnawed at my soul. The test was negative. There was no child in our future. I felt like my hopes had been shattered. They were in pieces like a glass that had shattered all over the floor. All different shapes and sizes there they lay. I threw the test in the trashcan and washed my hands. I left the bathroom hitting the light switch as I walked out and back to the bedroom. I changed into my faithful flannel pajama bottoms, and my navy blue fitted tee. I tossed all my laundry into the basket and slipped into my favorite button up sweater.

Esme quietly knocked on the door. She stood in the doorway, “May I come in?”

I was staring out the window. I nodded a little, she proceeded to enter and join me at my side. Her soft voice broke the silence, “I’m here if you want to talk, or,”

I didn’t let her finish the sentence. I just turned to her, and wrapped my arms around her. I didn’t feel stone, or cold. I felt the warmth of a person whose heart was enormous. I felt safety. I felt compassion. I felt the warmth of a MOTHER. Without hesitation, she cradled me in her arms. “You don’t have to talk. I’m here for you, as a shoulder to just let it all out.” She whispered the next part, “I’m not your mother, but I’ve worried about you since, well you came to protect Bella.” I hugged her tighter after hearing that.

She ushered me carefully to the bed, never releasing me from her safe arm. She pulled back the covers, and I laid down. I cradled the pillow carefully around my head. She covered me up, and sat down on the edge of the bed. I was lying on my side, curled up. Out of nowhere the sobs ripped me apart. Esme carefully picked up my hand, gently patting it, “Slow your breathing down Hun."

I tried so hard not to cry, to hold it all together. It failed. I just saw her perfect face, and soft eyes, filled with such concern.

Hunter and Carlisle quietly spoke with Charlie. “I’m sorry I dragged both of you into all of this.”

Charlie shrugged, “No apology necessary. We’re family for starters. Second, we were becoming concerned. She hadn’t called us at all. Plus we hadn’t seen her in several weeks. We weren’t sure what was going on with her.”

Hunter looked at Carlisle, then Charlie. Carlisle quietly excused himself and headed up stairs.

Once he was upstairs, he quietly knocked on the door.

Esme spoke softly, “Come in Carlisle.”

He stepped in, shutting the door behind him. Quietly he walked over to Esme, kiss the top of her head. “Everything ok now?”

She nodded gently stroking my cheek, “She cried herself to sleep. She was sobbing. I felt horrible.”

Carlisle looked down, “We could hear her downstairs. Charlie looked at me. Hunter said she was having a rough couple of weeks of not feeling well. He was honest with Charlie, explaining how he thought she might be pregnant."

“How’d he handle that?”

Carlisle smirked a little, “Turned several colors. Red and white were the more prominent ones.”

Esme smiled, “Well she’s an adult anyways.” She nodded, keeping her gaze on me.

Charlie sat with Hunter, “You know, at first I felt like things were happening to fast. You take great care of her.”