Taking Command Book 1 (Kylux) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Thirty Six: Heartless

Kylo PoV

I watched Hux walk away heartbroken. I could feel the pain inside him, his unspoken wish that I had never gone. It was too bad. I had needed this. I had needed to go and become stronger. I needed to be emptied out of everything that was holding me back. I had loved Hux. I had thought very fondly of him and would have loved a union between us.

The thing was, while that time was happy, it was also harmful. It brought me too close to the Light Side of the Force. I was too vulnerable to an emotional shift. I could not afford for that to happen. I had so much to do. So I had dropped General Hux. He had been a fun diversion, especially on the Coruscant mission, but the fun was over.

And yet, I felt regret. That enraged me. I could not be second guessing myself so soon! I had worked hard to change myself and empty myself. I could not let my feelings sneak back in.

I let myself go to my rage. Rage was an emotion that I could channel to fuel my power. I drew my saber and slashed at the wall nearest to me, leaving glowing furrows in the metal. My anger subsided slightly. I was breathing a little more heavily.

"Commander Ren," a voice behind me brought me back to reality. I turned to see Captain Phasma standing behind me.

"What do you need?" I asked her. She was one of Hux's favorites. Talented, ruthless, and powerful, she had attracted both of our attentions. I admired her for all of her aforementioned traits.

"You are needed. General Hux sent me to find you. He said it was a matter of the utmost importance."

"Tell him that I am not able to entertain him and his sentiment at the moment. Tell him I'll be available when I am done bringing order." I replied with barely a hint of guilt.

"Of course, sir." I could sense Phasma's curiosity. To her credit, she did not act upon it, but walked off to deliver my message.

I resumed my walk. I planned on going to train in the gymnasium commonly used by the troopers. The Force was all well and good, but physical fitness was an unquestionable necessity. There were species and weapons that possess strong resistance or total immunity to the Force. I needed to be prepared to face them. That meant not having to rely on telekinesis to chuck someone across a room.

I walked into the training area and found it empty. That was fine with me. I stripped off my clothes down to my pants and I began to do pull-ups, push-ups, and other things to enhance my arm and core strengths. Then, I ran around, stretching my legs and doing my best to not think about anything and empty my mind. I had to surrender to the Force and let it pull me where it wanted.

After about an hour of this, I showered, then changed back into my clothes and went to find food. I had worked up an impressive appetite. On the way, I noticed that the Base had had even more improvements made in my absence. The bridge was almost fully complete, and the whole place now was heated.

I got to the eating space and sat down with some soup, or so I hoped. A shadow fell over me as I ate.

"Can I help you?" I asked General Hux coolly, staring up into his pale face. He looked like he had been crying and not done much.

"I doubt it. I just want to know why. Why were you so willing to discard what we had?" He sat down gingerly.

"Because we both have a goal and being in a relationship was not helping. I had to break us to make us better as people and leaders. I had to be the mature one in this." I sighed as I ate more. This was more painful than I wanted to admit. I had to keep my emotions under check.

"You think you're so great and mature and superior because you ended us, don't you?" Hux looked at me, disgust all over his handsome face.

"To a certain extent," I replied, smirking. "Is that what you wanted? To "call me out" for my perceived wrongs? If it is, good day, General. I hope you have fun contemplating my heartlessness while I lead the galaxy into a new state of order. Nothing will stand in the way of the legacy I will fulfill." My voice grew harder and harsher as I stood and replaced my helmet and walked away, leaving Hux alone. I could sense his anguish and pain and anger. I could tell he thought me heartless. And maybe I was. Maybe it was for the best.