Taking Command Book 1 (Kylux) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Twenty Three: Weakness

Hux PoV

I was being ridiculous. I was being a disgrace to myself, my calling, and this mission. What possessed me to do that? Why did I embarrass myself by asking Kylo about my feelings? I wanted to bang my head off of a wall.

I sat beside him in tense silence as we rode home, distinctly aware that he could see my thoughts, making me all the more tense. I did my best to avoid staring at him for too long. I felt as if though as attractive he might be, that that would be an unwelcome sign of my attraction that he did not share.

"You alright?" Kylo looked at me,"a non Force sensitive could sense your anxiety from miles away."

"Yes, I'm fine," I lied, secretly flattered by his attention,"just tired and stressed." I leaned my head back against the plush seat.

When we arrived home, Kylo declared that he intended to order dinner and have it delivered here. I opted just to have noodles brought for myself, and he decided upon some type of seafood dish.

That was one notable thing about him, he had expensive taste and refined eating habits and appreciations. He was a very cultured sort of person, and that surprised me greatly and piqued my curiosity.

I lounged on the bed, absentmindedly looking at messages I had received from the base, primarily updates on status from Captain Phasma. All seemed to be going well.

"Hux," Kylo called from outside, "come here."

I walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table with some food. He grinned, a surprising thing for him to do. Smiling made his entire face light up and look even more attractive.

"Your noodles are over there." He gesture to where a small box sat, emanating a buttery smell.

"Smells great." I sat down and began to eat it with a voracity that surprised me.

"Is it good?" Kylo looked up at me from his meal.

"Definitely," I replied grinning,"this is great." I looked into those eyes and felt bitter regret that nothing would come of my attractions. I felt greater pain in my own inability to forget him.

Perhaps all I needed was to widen my horizons. I was in Coruscant, the city of a trillion people. No doubt there were places where I could acquire female or male comfort. Perhaps a trip to one such establishment would help. I resolved to do that tomorrow night. The night after was to be devoted to rigging cameras on the restaurant we ate at upon arrival.

"You seem upset, like I said before. Are you sure that nothing is amiss?" Kylo looked at me, piercing me with a penetrating gaze.

"Yes. I'm fine," I retorted irritably,"just tired and stressed." I stood up. "I just need to sleep. What're your plans?" I asked him curiously as I disposed of my garbage.

"Meditate then sleep. I think that this mission will be a great asset, and thus, a consultation with the Force seems practical." He got up and nodded at me as I left the room to go to our bedroom.

I took off my shirt and lay there shirtless. The sheets were cool under my warm skin and the mattress below me felt sublime. I rolled onto my side and covered myself with a blanket.

It felt good to just shut the universe out. Ignoring everyone and everything outside of myself helped to sooth me, and now, struggling with my inner weakness, I needed to gain control and inner peace sooner than ever. I could only hope that that happened before calamity struck this mission and relationship.