Taking Command Book 1 (Kylux) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Twenty Eight: Rage

Kylo PoV

I sat across from Hux and watched him peruse the menu. I could sense his regret, but I could also sense his stubbornness. He was not going to relent in his boycotting of our relationship until we had succeeded in our mission.

Well, I hoped, for my sake, at least, that the mission would be done soon. I wished that I had not been so mature about our relationship. I had never been known for my sound presence of mind, but that one time, when I could have chosen my own happiness and the happiness of Hux, I had chosen to be mission minded.

I would never do that again. I was going to rely on my emotion and instinct. I had taken the council of logic one time and it had proven only detrimental.

When asked what I wanted to drink, I replied,"The strongest whiskey in this restaurant." I wanted to get drunk enough to forget what had happened today.

"It's early in the evening," Hux remarked coolly as the waiter took his request for some cold water. "You'll regret this tomorrow. You remember how drunk you got last time."

"Don't tell me what to do," I snorted. "Thank you, waiter," I thanked our server when he returned with the bottles. I proceeded to order a nerf steak with sauce. Hux just requested a salad.

After he left, Hux sat and glared out the window at the gorgeous Coruscant skyline. I watched him wistfully. I wished that we did not have to suppress ourselves like this. But even Vader had conquered without a lover. He had ruled the Empire supreme, along with the Emperor, and he had done it with his loyal companion, Grand Moff Tarkin. He had taken no lover. He had been strong enough to not rely on someone for his emotional health.

I did not think I could ever get to that point. Despite my burning desire to live up to his legacy, I did not want to echo his one mistake: being without a lover. I wanted someone more than a companion at my side, I wanted someone to share both sides of my life with.

"What're you thinking?" Hux interrupted my train of thought brusquely.

"Nothing," I replied tensely, unwilling to parry words with him,"I'm fine. Just thinking strategy." That was a lie of course.

"Hmph. If you say so." I glared at him, then extended my consciousness through the Force to touch his thoughts. He was angry and suspicious, and he was keeping his grief and longing shoved to the bottom of his thoughts. I withdrew and sat there in silence. What should I do? Should I recant?

I wondered what Snoke would think. He would probably condemn my abominable weakness for opening myself up like that. It was weakness, yet it was one I wanted to give myself over to. I needed to be strong, but I also needed someone to stand with me, someone who would not let me down like my father had.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered under my breath, fingering the edging of my jacket.

"What is?" Hux looked up at me, pale eyes glinting with reflected light.

"This whole situation," I replied, knocking back my alcohol. I was already feeling the effects of the Wookiee drink I had downed earlier, but I was beyond caring.

"What situation? The mission is going fine."

So he was going to pretend nothing had happened. That was his tactic. Fine then. I would have to spell it out for Mr. Taciturn.

"The situation with us. It's not fair," I said, frankly,"it's stupid that we cannot have what we obviously want for ourselves and each other. Why can't the galaxy sort itself out, and if it can't, why can't we sort it out and still be in love?"

"I don't know. It was your idea to end it," Hux replied, staring me down. I refused to end eye contact with him.

"I want to do what's best by the galaxy," I retorted,"I hate it, but it needs to happen."

"You only do this to redeem to legacy of a ghost. You're obsessed with the ghost of your long dead grandfather. You're pathetic. You're putting that aspiration over what we could have." Hux's voice dropped disgust and anger.

"How dare you!" I yelled, my anger igniting like flame exposed to gasoline. "Do not take me for some child! I will finish what he started! I would go through every Hell there is to succeed. I might hate it, but it is my duty, my calling. Do not mock or disdain that!" I was livid. I also felt lightheaded.

"You're so drunk right now, do you hear yourself?!" Hux stood up and leaned across the table and actually slapped me. "You are willing to give up all chances of us to fulfill the so called legacy of Darth Vader! Here's a news flash about that idol of yours. He's a failure. He betrayed the Empire in the end, you had to have known that!"

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say! Just get away from me!" I yelled, overflowing with rage, grief, and frustration. I stormed out of the restaurant, upsetting a table. As I stood out on the platform, I felt extremely dizzy and collapsed without warning. The world went black, and I was falling.