Taking Command Book 1 (Kylux) (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Twenty Seven: Denial

Hux PoV

Never in my career had I questioned my actions. I knew what I wanted, I knew my goals, and I knew how I wanted to achieve them. I wanted to bring order back to the galaxy and free it from its chaos.

Or at least that was what I had wanted up until twenty four hours ago. Now, all I wanted was Kylo Ren. Somehow, in just a few days, I had become very attached to him. At first I had written him off as a crazy, temperamental, superstitious, fool. Now, however, I saw him in a different light.

I saw a man as passionate as I was. I saw the cunning warrior and the fiery genius that hid behind the mask. I also saw his beauty and his rare shows of tenderness, demonstrated even over a couple hours. He was a man of extremes, the foil to my own emotional rigidness.

Sometimes he scared me. His ability to see into my thoughts left me paralyzed. I was afraid to tell him things, but I was scared to hide things as well, for fear of mental intrusion.

I should have conquered that fear before rushing into this. I should have just told him outright how I felt. Instead, I had tried to dramatically make him jealous, and it had backfired in the long run.

I had had Kylo for one day, and then both of our natural states kicked in. I felt as if we had both showcased our inner doubts about the success of our mission, our relationship, and each other. He had let loose with his comment, playful it may have been, regarding my foolish actions. I had given vent to my paranoia of his powers, and we had ended our relationship until we had achieved our end goal.

I felt like this warranted some thinking. We did all this to help the galaxy, but what if we deserved our own lives? The world could sort itself out, right? We could go away and live on a nice planet like Naboo and leave war to others.

I shook my head. That was ridiculous. My father would be ashamed of me thinking that kind of thing. He had instilled me a sense of duty, a sense of sacrifice, and a strong amount of self denial. If self denial meant that I had to give up Kylo, then I would have to. It was for the good of the galaxy.

As we rode back up to our transport, I occasionally snuck looks at Kylo, who was slumped down in his seat. He looked sad and downcast. It had been his idea to end it, for the sake of the mission. I wished that, for just that once, he would have maintained his usual impetuous attitude. It was not to be, I realized. Ren had finally gotten a bit of a backbone and a sense of responsibility. It had come at the wrong time.

"So, what should we do tonight? Are we still going to go to the restaurant? We did plan to go, after all. We would go to plan out the Temple infiltration." I looked over to see Kylo talking to me.

"I guess," I replied slowly, hope building in my chest,"only if you want to."

"Why not? Even though we have the papers, it's good to have a backup plan." He looked at me, and I saw a sad wistfulness in his eyes that echoed my own.

"I would like to request a change in route." I leaned up to the driver. I have him the address of the restaurant and we were there in five minutes.

As we walked in,  I wished with all my heart, that Kylo would hold my hand or act like he cared, but he did not. On the other hand, neither did I. We were both in massive throes of denial, and for the sake of success, we could not climb out.

As we sat and waited to be served, I watched Kylo. I sensed a change in his demeanor for the worse and felt horrible. I hated this. But it was a necessary evil.