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41.The Surgery.

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This chapter may look confusing but please focus on the series of the time.

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One month.

It had been a hole month and I was doing my best and fighting for my family. I wouldn't lie and say I was hopeful all the time but may Allah bless Adam and Nader, never for once did they left my side, all the time they'd give me the positive energy I needed.

I didn't want to tell my parents that I had leukemia but I had too, I had to stay at the hospital for the chemical treatment. I was isolated as it was the first month and so but I could see all my family. It pained me to see them hurting. To see the pain in my mom's eyes. To feel that my dad watch me with broken heart. To feel the grief of my big brother whenever he sees my face. My face was pale. I lost weight even more. It hurt in all my body but I had to survive for my beloved ones. Noor, Zain and even Silvia which I might add, her name was Sarah now. Yup she converted and chose to change her name. She said she always wanted to be named Sarah so she changed her name. Matt was still in the process of thinking. Matt loved Si-arah a lot and wanted to be with her so he started looking in the religion more , I was more than happy for them. Silvia/Sarah wore a hijab she looked absolutely stunning mashaallah.

Many times I just wished to die to get this over with and to stop torturing these people who loved me and wanted nothing but my well being. If I died they would got sad for short time then recover from it but now I was like a person dying slowly and killing all the people around me with me.

Adam never left my side but I could clearly see the despair in his eyes. He was dying with me I wished I never met him. Now, don't get me wrong but he had already enough on his plat he didn't need me to add on it. It cut my heart every time I saw him cry. He was strong and I weakened him.

Also, I couldn't play with Omar like I wished, I just see him from the glass on the other side waving to me. I and him were both weak to meet. Oh God! nothing I planed or wished was happening.

Ya Allah! I wish this all end in any way You destined to me. I can't see them suffer with me.

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Five months.

The doctors said that if I was lucky I could do an operation and maybe yes, maybe not I could recover faster. I was so exhausted from all the treatments , medicine and staying in this ugly hospital. I was tired from hurting everyone. I was tired from them crying. I knew they loved me but now I wished they didn't. Why to live all this time when I'd die at the end anyway. Many people live in this torture for months and others for more than a year. I didn't want this I was tired. They tried to cheer me up.  They tried to give me hope. They made me promise to never give up and leave them but they couldn't feel the pain I felt.

Ya Allah.