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Today was the day I loathed since I lost my sister in that sea. From that day I didn't swim but I learned how to. I couldn't put myself in such situation again.
I lost my sister because neither of us could swim.
I woke up early and went to work quietly. Nada didn't notice anything different and I didn't want her to. I tried to finish this file but couldn't. I couldn't bring my eyes off her photo. There in front of me was her angelic face, her big brown eyes which she didn't like as I had mine blue why wasn't she had hers blue, that was her complaint whenever she talked to mom and dad as if it was in their hands. To be honest no color would suit her better than those brown with a touch of gold in them. She was beautiful her chubby cheeks and pale complexion were my favourite. I bet she would have had boys under her feet by the age of 20 or maybe younger. She was short compared to me but she was average compared to other girls her age. Her brown curly hair was so soft that I loved messing it up to annoy her. She was a ball of energy and source of happiness for whoever was in the same place as her.
Her death was an earthquake to all the people who knew her or sat with her just for minutes. By her death our house turned to be the most dead place someone could live in. The quietness of the house was killing every person in it. Mom and dad would always complain of the noise Arwa did but when the house was quite they complained more. She was the sun of our house. Screw this she was the sun of our life.
I didn't shed a tear when she died nor when I was in the funeral. Not that I wasn't sad but I was numb. I couldn't believe that she was gone and never would be back. I remember the first time I had cried was after a week or so. As if my brain digested finally that she was dead.
I stood from my desk and went to the small box I had in the corner. The box I saved all our memories in. It wasn't that big but it had all our photos. I put the box on my desk and opened it. I sat there remembering every memory of every single photo.
There, a photo of baby Arwa laughing to mom with no teeth just her tongue inside of her tiny mouth. Her eyes were red from crying but when she saw mom she laughed.
A photo of Arwa trying to stand with me helping her. I was a mess then. Slightly chubby cheeks , small teeth, messy hair and clown like clothes. I didn't know why my parents liked this outfit. I was a mess like a clown could be.
A photo of Arwa when she was 4 on her first day at school. She looked excited to be going to school like me. Yeah I knew she regretted this excitement when she hit grade seven.
My 9 years old self was holding her hand waving to mom and dad.
A photo of me carrying her on my shoulders and she playing with my hair. I was in my early teens and was proud of myself. I regretted this photos when I was in university nonetheless I liked to see myself when I was younger or I may say when I was happier.
A photo of me wearing makeup because I agreed to play with Arwa and her stupid dolls. Arwa was clutching her stomach from laughing hard.
A family photo on my graduation with me wearing that graduation dress and hat. Mom and dad from each side and Amira beside dad while Arwa was hugging my waist in front of me and just turned her face to smile to the camera. I remember her saying "Oh my dear big brother" dramatic pause "I'm so proud of you" faking a cry and jumped on me hugging my lungs out.
The last photo was before her death by just months we were out beside the sea and took this photo. She was clutching my waist with her short form and I put my arm around her shoulder. We were smiling widely to the camera.
I closed the box with a sigh and went out of my office. I drove the car to the same place I went to for years now.
"Oh, Arwa. Why did you leave me. I wanted to see you grow more than just those 13 years. I wanted to see you in your teens. In your senior year. To be overprotective brother like I used to be when we were younger. Remember when that boy tried to be your friend. Remember when you said 'the poor guy was ready to pee his pants, Adam. Don't be rude he just wanted to be my friend'". I wanted to see you achieving your dreams. To see you wearing your white dress for your big day. To see you love and to scare that guy and warn him if he made you cry I'd hit him to death. Arwa you left before so many events I wanted to live with you. I wanted you to see Nada. You know we always said that Amira didn't care about us but she was so sad when you left she cried a lot. I never thought she would be that sad. She was always with me. We were closer after you left us. I'm sorry Arwa I'm so sorry for not saving you. I'm sorry because it was the first time you called me and I didn't help even though I'd promised you many times that I would never stop helping you. I love you a lot , Arwa and I'll never ever forget or love you less."
With the last word I said I was a crying-mess on her grave. I knew that this might be wrong. I accepted any fate happened to me and I accepted losing my sister but I couldn't not be sad and cry for losing her.
"I promised you and I'll re-promise you now again that I'll do my best to be with you in jannah. I just want you to wait for me , just till Allah send me to you. I know you're alone now but it will not be for long inshaAllah. I'll do all my best to be good muslim and to deserve His jannah." With that said I left her again alone.
It was 6pm so I went to the next place I go only once a year. I went and sit on the walk in the sea. I looked at the waves crushing in each other. And again remembered all our memories and her laughing and shining angelic face.
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Romance-Completed on 16/4/2016- He is handsome. She is beautiful. He is calm. She is hotheaded. He is respectful. She is sarcastic. He wants to marry. She wants to date. He is religious. She is just a Muslim. He has his problems. She never faces a problem...
