Wait OR Date

34.Confession. ~Adam~

Thin line between death and birth. People took their last breath, others are taking their first. And we live.
-Me and my bestie Mariam-Abdelhamed
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Enjoy.
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"Okay, do I miss something here?" I heard Nada ask and I jerked from mom's embrace, I blinked my eyes and stood straight.

"Nothing" I said quickly and saw mom shaking her head. I knew very well that I should have told Nada as mom said but I wasn't ready to talk about it to anyone. I didn't want to open my old wounds.

"I'll leave you to talk. I've to see the baby" mom smiled to Nada and went inside the room where Mai sat. I couldn't believe all this happened just in few hours. I just wanted to sleep and forget yesterday. I wanted to clear 28th of June from my memory.

"Adam?" I was snapped from my thoughts with Nada's soft voice and hand on my cheek. "What's wrong and please don't say nothing

"Let's go" I removed her hand and passed by her to the exit door. I heard her steps after me so I continued to the car.

The ride home was dead silent. I could feel Nada's sadness but I didn't want to talk about it at the hospital. I had to man up and tell her and I would.

Once at home Nada passed me to our room in silence and I sighed. I entered and found her already in her PJ so it wasn't only me who would stay home today.

"Her name was Arwa" I said out of the blue and Nada's head jerked up to me. I took steps forward and sat on the bed's edge.

"Who?"

"My baby sister. She wasn't baby though" I smiled as I remembered her grumpy face when I called her 'baby' in front of her friends. I felt Nada put her hand on my shoulder and sat beside me but I didn't look up. I couldn't tell her while looking in her eyes. When Nada remained silent I continued.

"When I was five mom gave birth to her. I was small but I still remember her small brown eyes , silky short hair , small mouth and nose. I thought she was another doll for Amira. Mom told me that I was sad and told dad 'you told me you'd bring me a baby not a doll. I'm a boy. I don't play dolls'" I chuckled remembering when mom told me that when I was 10.

"Dad told me 'she isn't a doll she is your baby sister and you'll be her protector' mom's words to be honest I don't remember this but no one says this to 5 years old kid. But as time passes I understood his words and worked on them. I was so overprotective over her. I remember when she was 2 and I was 7 she tried to walk but failed and fell on her butt crying I ran to help her up and she smiled to me then walked again with my support. We were so close. I was there with her in every moment of her live. I feed her, played with her all her games and she played with me all my games. Amira was in her early teens and didn't pay us that attention anyway so she was closer to me than Amira and I loved her more." I sighed knowing too well that the most awful part was on its way to come.

"One day ,specifically 28th of June six years ago, the weather was hot and I suggested going to the beach and Arwa immediately agreed. She was 13 then and I was 18. The weather was hot but there was soft breeze by the sea. She jumped on my back covered my eyes and told me to run and she would guide. Her hands were small so I was seeing through them. Even though she was a little chubby she was still small compared to me. I was always teasing her and she would always comeback with 'and you stick boy is talking' I was thin and tall while she was chubby and short and I'd always tell her 'you're just too jealous of me being tall and fit' and she'd laugh at my face mocking me. Anyway" I shook the thoughts and continued where I stopped. "The wind was playing with her hair and she got grumpy. She was always grumpy that spoiled brat" I laughed bitterly. I'd like to have her all chubby and grumpy than not having her at all. I dismissed my thoughts and continued again.

"I ruffled her hair more, she let a small gasp and started running after me though she was laughing as well as me. There was water on the walk in the sea but she didn't notice it and slipped. I heard her shriek and turned to find her falling in the sea. I couldn't swim then ,she couldn't as well. She was drowning in front of me and I was shocked , no one was there even my voice wasn't with me. Then someone jumped and got her to the shore I ran to them seeing him pressing hard on her chest and stomach to get the water out of her lungs. I wanted to shout at him for being hard on her small body. But with all this she didn't open her eyes. I raised her hand in mine rubbing it then they slipped from mine like a rock falling in water. Someone put his fingers on her neck then dropped them. I looked at him and found him shaking his head and said he was sorry for my loss. I shouted and said that she was fine but she was still on the sand her pale face and slightly blue lips telling me he was right. I called mom and dad. When mom saw her lifeless body she broke down in tears , dad said 'ina lillah wa ina ilih rajoon' with eyes filled with tears. No tear fall from my eyes. I just sat there looking at her with nothing. I felt nothing. I loath that day. I lost my life with her that day. Nothing was the same and nothing will be. I lost my sister and that was final , nothing will get her back to me. I know she's waiting for me patiently and I'll do all my best to go with her to jannah inshaallah" by my last words tears were all over Nada's shirt. Somehow Nada hugged me while I was telling her my heart out.

"Oh Adam I'm sorry. I wish I was there for you" Nada whispered and I felt couple of tears on my shoulder.

I was fuming this early morning for being their at a hospital after coming from Arwa's graveyard and the beach. Yes every year for the past six years I went to her graveyard then to the sea. I felt her around me there. I cry freely there. No one to judge. No one to see. I was used to getting home late and mom would say nothing but I find Nada demanding me for answers. I was exhausted and to add on this all we went to the hospital. From now on this day would remind me of Omar, Nader's baby boy and Arwa my baby sister.

28th of June the same day I lost my sister, little Omar was born. The difference was couple of hours. As if life was telling me:

"I don't stop by the death of someone or the birth of them. I'm days passing you'll find in me happiness as well as grief. Live it as it is. You live once and you'll enjoy it once."

Baby Omar