The Nanny (EDITING)

Chapter 8

Za'Rayah POV

I really don't want to rain in your parade
But these clouds are turning twelve shades of gray
We we're never meant to weather these days...

Elijah Blake sung through my beats pill speaker I had just gotten not to long ago. I sat on the edge of my bed trying to relieve the stress that was just unloaded on me when I saw Chris with Dezirey. I blew the weed smoke through my nostrils and ran my fingers through my hair.

I didn't like him, so I thought. Now I'm confused. I should have saw this shit coming. He's Chris Brown and he's not tied down? That equals groupies by the billion. Elijah sung again.

Lets be honest, even if I said yes
Your paranoia would just ruin your happiness
And then you'd love me less
Round and round we'd be right back at one
Ain't you tired of starting over?

He was effortlessly speaking to my heart making my thought process speed down.

I was stuck. I'd never been stuck before. Here I am in a big ass city with nobody to know and a bomb ass job that pays good. I'm a beautiful woman yet I feel so ugly on the inside. Almost as if I was programed to believe all who are supposed to care for me, leave me. More singing came.

Loving you was easier when we both had the patience but right now it's just bad timing
I've got someone who needs me and to call of this engagement would just ruin another life
Your pushing yeah your pushing me to make a decision

I finally broke down and let the rest of the music play as I cried.

She said I know
You've got someone who loves you
She's probably crazy for you
But don't I deserve...
She said I know yeah I know all about her
But I put in all these hours
Don't I deserve you?

And now you wanna come back
Trying making me feel bad
Ohh now that I know better, I gotta do better
So no I'm never gone come back
Even though you deserve that...

I woke up not even remembering going to sleep. My face was swollen do too all the crying I did. I woke up catching my breath as if I cried in my sleep.

I don't even know why I'm crying? I kissed him in the heat of the moment. Okay. That's all.

I kept trying to process and convince myself to believe it.

I rolled out of bed and showered and all those lovely things. After my body cleaning episode I went to blend myself a smoothie in my newly furnished kitchen. Recently I had remodeled my condo with the money I earned so far.

I went and blended up strawberries, pineapples, cherries, and ice to make it slushy.

It was like heaven to the tongue. I melted as I fished through my purse for my phone which was probably dead by now. I went to plug it in the wall beside my vouch as I plopped down and waited for it to turn on.

As soon as it popped on I noticed hella notifications from Chris. The last message said he was on his way to my house and that was earlier this morning.

Confusion was on my brain and I followed my mind leading me to open my front door and check to see if anyone was out there. Sure enough Chris's camouflage convertible was parked in my driveway. I walked up to the car to see him asleep at the wheel. I was half mad yet goofed out that he was asleep in my driveway.

I knocked on the window and he looked up quick. He opened the door and before he could speak, I spoke.

"Go home."