You get too close (Dean)

Chapter 67

// Sadie //

"My birthday is in two days. Two days and I will officially be twenty years old. I can't believe this. I'm super excited. This means I'm one year away from legally being able to drink which is hella cool ya know? And I'm just-"

Although I tried to listen to everything that Aymie was saying, I just couldn't focus on her. I've got thirty million thoughts running through my head all at the same time. I keep thinking about what happened with Renee yesterday. I'm so curious about Dean's past. I wanna know about everything that happened between them and yet I'm a bit scared to ask. I'm also curious as to why he didn't tell me half the stuff she mentioned. I know that it's a lot and I know he needs time. He can't tell me about all this stuff at once, I understand that. But we're engaged...I just feel like we should be opening up to each other more. There's things I haven't told him about my past as well...

I know I shouldn't be worried about it. It'll all come in due time, I just have to be patient. But I just wanna be sure that he will eventually tell me. What if he never mentions it? What if he doesn't wanna tell me about he and Renee's history? That would hurt me...I don't mean to pry or be nosy...But at the same time, I feel like it's my right to know about what went on.

I'm thinking about my engagement too. Me and Dean are engaged but how long will our engagement last? Like Stephanie said, Who knows when we'll be able to have the wedding. It could be a year from now or two years from now or it could be one month from now. I just keep worrying about it because...I wonder if he'll get tired of me before we can even get married? What if we have a fight and call it quits? That's the last thing I want.

I'm thinking about the fact that we'll be moving in with one another soon. He bought the house already and we'll be able to move in in less than two weeks and I have not told Aymie the news yet. How will she take it? Will she be happy or upset or angry? I'd understand if she was angry. We didn't talk to her about this huge decision before we made it...

Me and Dean will be living together. We'll go home together. We'll go to bed and we'll see each other and then we'll wake up and we'll see each other. What if he gets tired of me? We already tour together. Sometimes, He'll need his space. I don't want him to feel suffocated...But he's the one who asked me to move in with him. But what if he starts to regret it? What if he thinks he made a mistake?

My relationship is becoming so serious. My life is changing so fast and I'm just scared that something along the way will go wrong. I wanna have a happy ending. I want to have a nice wedding and I wanna live happily with Dean and I want us to start a family together. But we have so many obstacles.

How will this all turn out? Renee is pregnant with Dean's child. She'll be in our lives forever and...I wonder if we'll be able to deal with that. I wonder if we're strong enough to be together even when his child gets here. I don't think I can hate a child but...I definitely will not feel...Good around it. It's not mine, It's his. It'll be awkward. But what can I do? It's his child and he has to be there for it.

Even though starting a family should be last thing on my mind, I can't stop thinking about it. I wanna have a family with Dean. How will we do that? We can adopt, Yes. But when will he want to? Will we agree on what kid we want? Will that even matter to us?

I have no idea how the future will turn out and I cannot lie. I am scared. So scared. Because I am so stressed right now but I've never been happier. I am so happy with Dean. I'm in love with him. So in love with him. I just wanna be with him forever. I hope we get to be happy with one another.

"Earth to Sadie." Aymie says, Snapping her fingers in front of my eyes. I shake my head and look at her. "Jesus,Girl. Your eyes are all glazed over and red and half closed...You look so tired. You okay?"