You get too close (Dean)

Chapter 51

// Sadie //

"I don't know. I just feel this raging, Burning anger every once in a while. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and I'd like to say it's just because of my recent breakup but...The truth is, It's been happening for a while now. I get angry quicker than usual and sometimes at the dumbest things, Though I'm good at hiding it." I explain.

"Right...Tell me, What angers you the most?"

"Well...Because of recent events I get a little angry when thinking about Dean and the woman he cheated with and my ex best friend. I also get so, So angry when I hear from my mother. Um... Also I have another ex from a while back. He used to hit me...I get very angry when thinking of him."

"Well these are all normal things to be angry about. Perfectly normal. But here's the real question; What are your thoughts? The ones that's scare you? What are your darkest thoughts?"

"Well." I sigh, Shifting on the leather couch. I cross one leg over the other and place my hands in my lap. "I had a thought at the most random time of night. I just woke up and I immediately thought, I want to see his skin come off. I want him to suffer."

"Who? Who do you want to suffer?"

"Well that's the thing. I don't know. I was confused myself. I don't think I thought that about Dean. I don't want to see him get hurt. It's more of a possibility that I thought that about my other ex. But truthfully, I'd rather not see him hurting either. I'm not sure." I shrug.

"I see...What else? What other thoughts?"

"I've thought about accidents. You know? Like car accidents and things like that. Sometimes I think 'I want him to get into an accident and die.' And again, I don't know who I want to get into that accident. I just know it isn't Dean. I would never wish bad on him, I promise." I shake my head. "And again, I really don't want my other ex to be hurt. So who am I wanting to suffer? Who do I want to get hurt?" I ask myself. "There's really no one else who's done anything bad to me."

"...You told me about your life, Sadie. Everything is clear to me except for who you're having these thoughts about. So let's review. You mentioned to me that your mother wasn't supportive and she didn't pay you the attention you needed. You feel that she considered you a burden and still does and I can tell that you resent her very much, Which is why you get angry when speaking to her. Your ex, The one that hit you, Well it's obvious why you're not having pure thoughts about him. He hurt you, Very badly and now you feel he deserves to be hurt too. It's normal, It's understandable. Your ex, The one you recently broke up with, He cheated on you. He made you feel insecure and he made you feel small. It's okay to want him to feel the pain that you felt and- Also, While we're on the topic, It's okay to want him back with you. It's not wrong to want your relationship back." Dr. Myers explains.

I sigh a little. Why am I doing this? I could've come to all those conclusions by myself- I did come to all those conclusions by myself! Why am I paying sixty dollars an hour just to hear what I already know?

"Now back to your thoughts... I really can't tell you who you want to suffer. Only you can really know. Maybe it'll come to you one day-" Yep this was a total waste of time. "And Sadie, Wishing for something bad to happen to someone who's hurt you is not abnormal. I just don't want you to think it is.

******

I sigh, Rolling over to face the wall. I've been laying in bed for the last three hours and I can't sleep no matter what I do. All I can do it think about the one person I wish I could just forget, Dean.

All I can think about is how much I miss the asshole.

You know, He really doesn't deserve me! I am such a good person. I'm nice to everyone and I'm always trying to do good by everyone and treat every one fairly and he just takes advantage of that. I cannot keep going back to him after he constantly, Continuously fucks up.

For some odd, Stupid reason, I'm drawn to him. He's a guy with a lot of baggage and I'm a girl with a lot of baggage. We're the perfect fit right?

All I know is, The guy absolutely drives me crazy. And I think I'll go tell him that...Right now.

******

I knock on the door softly. I hope that I don't wake his sister up.

This was probably a horrible idea. You should never do things that you decide are a good idea at 3am. But I'm outside of his door now, So I'm just gonna do what I cam to do. Yell at him.

"What do- Sadie?"

I gulp. Seeing Dean standing there shirtless, Rubbing his hair down and looking confused as ever snatches whatever confidence I had away from me. "Uh, Hi." I mumble. "May I come in?" "Yeah, Of coarse." He whispers, Stepping aside to let me in. "My sister is sleeping in the living room so, We can talk in my room."

I nod silently, Though I'm sure he can't see me because it's dark. We walk quietly into his room and he shuts the door behind us before turning a lamp on so it's not incompletely.

"So...What's up?" He asks.

I stare at him for a moment. What exactly did I come here for? I thought I was going to yell at him or lecture him or slap him or something along the lines of that. But now that I'm actually here, I don't want to do any of that.

"Sadie?" He asks again.

Without a word, I lunge towards him and grab his face, Planting a long kiss on his lips.When we pull away he just stares at me before letting out a nervous chuckle. "You-"

"Shut up, Dean. I missed you. I need you." I all but whine. "I want to make myself feel better and I want us to go back to normal...Dean I need you." I growl, Trying to unbutton his shirt.

"Wow, Wow, Um- Are you drunk? I'm not doing this if you're drunk, It wouldn't be right I-"

"I am not drunk, I am impatient. Now get your shirt off. I want you. I need you. Now." I spat.

I kiss him again, This time even rougher than I did before and this time, He kisses back. I can tell he needs me just as much as I need him.

He takes his shirt off quickly before kissing down my neck. "Are you sure?" He asks.

"I'm sure."

A/N: Kinda short but...THINGS ARE HAPPENING.