You get too close (Dean)

Chapter 44

// Dean //

I sigh, Stroking Renee's hair softly. Little snores escape her lips and her arms tighten slightly around my waist. I don't know what to feel right now. I had sex with Renee, Who's already pregnant and going through enough with her ex boyfriend right now. The last thing she needed was to sleep with me. Not to mention that I cheated on Sadie.

Sadie.

I didn't think about Sadie once when I was having sex with Renee. I was just happy to be with the woman that I was once in love with again. I am such a dick. I can't believe I cheated on Sadie with Renee. I feel terrible.

But at the same time, I can't say that me having sex with Renee was a mistake. I felt...I don't know. I liked it.

Well no shit. I was sex. Get it together Dean.

I have no idea what to do now. Do I keep this a secret? Do I tell Sadie the truth and hope for the best? Do I tell Renee that this was a mistake that can't happen again? Do I just leave her right now? She obviously thinks that this meant that we'd be getting back together, But I'm not going to leave Sadie for her. I love Sadie, I really do. I just...Love Renee too. What the hell am I gonna do? We go back to work tomorrow and that means I'll be seeing Sadie. What if Renee tells her before I do? Shit.

"You're thinking hard, Aren't you?"

Renee's voice makes me a jump a little. I clear my throat before nodding at her.

"Do you think this was a mistake?" She asks, Tilting her head again. I sigh. How do I answer that? I could tell her the truth and say no, But then that would make her thing that I want to get back together. I could lie to her and say yes, But that would make her upset. There's no right answer.

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Right..." She mutters. "Dean, We're gonna have to worry about this eventually-"

"Are you gonna tell Sadie?" I cut her off. She sits up and looks at me for a moment before rolling her eyes. "God, You're laying in bed with me and you're still thinking about her." She scoffs. "Yeah, Well you are the other woman in this situation aren't you?" I spat. "Look I'm just...I will tell Sadie, But I need to do it in my own time and I can't have you-"

"Whatever." She growls. "I won't tell her. Why would I even speak to her?" She asks. "Can you stop worrying about her for five minutes and worry about us? What are we now?"

"Hell if I know." I mutter. "We're not just magically in a relationship now, If that's what you're thinking."

"Oh that's great then. You just fucked me and now you get to leave." She huffs.

"You came on to me. What did you expect? Did you expect me to leave my girlfriend for you?"

"Honestly...Yes. I just assumed that since we were in love before...We would be now. I'm still in love with you." She mumbles. "...Well I love you too. I always have and I always will. But I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with Sadie." I explain. "This wasn't a mistake but I'm not proud of this. I'm just confused right now. I need time to think and let everything sink in." I sigh before standing up.

"Alright. Fine." She mumbles.

******

I put out my cigarette and light up another one before holding it up to my lips. I haven't smoked in a long time but I'm stressed and this is the only thing I can do to calm me down since I don't have any beer at the moment. I haven't seen Renee since this morning. She's inside and I'm outside, Sitting on the porch. I've given myself a head ache from all the thinking.

I wish Renee had never come back. She's only been here for like a week and already things are getting complicated. But I can't blame everything on her. I'm a grown man. I knew what I was doing and I knew that it was wrong and I didn't stop it. I'm just as much to blame as she is. As a matter of fact, This is all my damn fault.

I've done a lot of horrible things in the past. I've cussed out a kid or two, Thrown a few women out of my hotel room without a good bye, Skipped out on paying for a meal if I was drunk, Or gave a bar tender or two a hard time. But this has got to be the absolute worst thing I've ever done.

I need to talk to my boys about all this. Roman always knows how to help me out in tough situations. I'm sure he'll beat the hell out of me but he's the only one I got for advice. Him and Seth are my brothers. Maybe they'll make me feel better.

A/N: Just something short. A bit of rain before the full storm ;)