Blue Howard (boyxboy)

Ambiguous

A/N: Sorrysorry for not posting earlier, but university life is crazy. So much to do, so little time. PLEASE give me feedback, I will be so thankful for it (any kind really). It will motivate me. I need to know what you think of where the story is going. 

(Also, what the hell, next chapter is going to be 40th already. Wow. We've come a long way)

Happy reading x)

Chapter 39 – Ambiguous

What do you do when a ghost appears?

What do you do if this ghost is someone you love?

Lorcan leaves in a hurry. Neither of us, not me or Anton, moves. He is smiling, I'm staring at him, and then I decide I should drop my gaze and think of something else, not this moment.

"Are you hungry?" Anton breaks the silence. His voice brings chills; I try not to shiver. He should not be able to read me; I need some kind of a mask to hide behind.

There is a fireplace behind him. There is a tent also. Do they expect us to share it? I don't think I'm ready for this. There is a large log of wood and on it is a blanket. It feels weird.

"I didn't know if you'd even look at me," he goes on, a weak smile on his lips. "But in case you're hungry, I have a picnic basket full of food." He looks so awkward there. "Please just say something." He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a nervous laugh.

"I don't know what to say," I shrug. My stomach grumbles.

"We have chicken salad that I made," he suggests and shifts, so I can get a better view of the fireplace. "We also have orange juice. We have waffles. We have sandwiches." He smiles. "I would be happy to share."

I bite my lip. "Okay," I nod.

I follow him. He tells me to sit down, so he could get our dinner. I put the blanket around myself and stare at my knees. The log isn't the most comfortable place to sit on, but it'll do.

"Here, take this," he says when he comes back. I grab the pillow from his hand and sit on it. "See, I've thought of everything," he marks, but then when I don't laugh, his glow fades and the corners of his mouth fall down.

Why did my friends plan this? Bet they were getting sick of me complaining all the time. But is this the proper way to shut me up – put me in a situation that only makes me feel uncomfortable and bad about myself? I guess they had no other choice, or so I tell myself.

If Anton knew why I had acted the way I did, why hadn't he come to me sooner?

If he knew about me wanting to protect him, then he should have run to me and I would have kissed him and I think everything would have been okay.

Then again, I didn't do anything either. I just waited. And now I have to face him, my biggest fear and the only thing I want. He looks at me as if I'm broken, but I know that he has fractures too. We're in this mess together, no matter how much I want to push him out of it, I have to admit that we're in this together, and we're both t fault here.

"So, waffles?" he asks softly. His face is illuminated by the fire, his shadow dancing on the ground as he moves. The trees don't seem so scary when I'm with him and I don't have the urge to run.

"Sure," I say and shrug. He steps closer and hands me a pack. I make sure that my skin doesn't come into contact with him. I don't think I could resist him.

He sits down opposite from me, the fire separating us. I take a waffle out and bite into it. Anton tries to hold his smile back as he watches me eat.