My Stepdad's Son

I'm Still Breathing

Ashely's P.O.V

I thanked the cab driver and payed him the fare. He drove off as I trotted up the house's stairs. As I expected, dad was waiting for me on the couch with a stern look.

I stopped dead in my tracks closing the door behind me. Moments of my teenage years came to mind. When I used to arrive past my curfew, he would wait for me sitting on the couch and lecture me about responisibily.

"Care to explain?" He asked, arms crossed in front of his chest.

Oh well no, I don't mind. You see I'm sort of in love you your stepson. You know my stepbrother. I have these feelings and I don't know how to handle them. I don't love men. I can't love men. It's unnatural for me to love men. It's not right.

So I try very hard to make myself fall in love with this random chick named Charlotte. Is it working? Not yet but it's just because I haven't been persistent. I need to put my heart into it.

But Andy hadn't been contacting me for a while and I was so nervous. I was so worried that he was out there being hurt. He said he had an appointment and I thought the worst.

But he asked me to hang today and I don't know why I said yes. No actually I do know why. I wanted to go. I wanted to see him because I needed to. But once I was there all I wanted to do was leave and I didn't know why he was acting the way that he was.

And that smile dad. That smile in his eyes was gone and he looked so confused. His eyes showed mixed emotions when he looked at me. He was mad at one point and I don't understand why. I did nothing to him. I did nothing with him.

So it was weird. I was uncomfortable because I wanted him to be himself again but at the same time I was greatful he wasn't. I needed an excuse and I knew you would be there for me.

"So?" Dad asked again, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Are you going to explain?"

"I needed an excuse."

"Why?"

"I had to leave."

"Because?"

"I was uncomfortable." That wasn't totally a lie. I was uncomfortable but he couldn't know the thruth. I couldn't bare to see the look of disappointment on his face once again.

"With Andy there?"

"Partially."

"What?"

"Dad, that's all you need to know. What's good is that I've gone from that place and it's all okay." I said simply. "No worries."

I turned on my heel, ready to march up the stairs to my room. I had to mull things over and possibly call Charlotte up. I had to get this stuff out of my head with her.

Perseverance was the key to love. In time it's a craft you learn to master. Love at first sight isn't real. Then what is it that happened with Andy? Wasn't that love at first sight? I shook my head. Go away. I resumed my walk towards the steps.

"Ash, wait."

I turned to dad waiting his next words.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Stop lying."

"I'll be fine." Without looking back at my dad, I sped up the stairs and into my room.

Andy's P.O.V

Why the hell did I put myself through that? So much for keeping a positive outlook. So much for not letting his words knock me down. He had only been with me for about half an hour and I had already crumbled.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. I was going to have my day after all and I was going to stop thinking about Ash until I was out of here. Yes, it was inevitable for me to mull things over but this wasn't the time or place. I just knew I had to chill out for a while.

Resuming my shopping with eyes wide open, I continued to look through the clothes. I had already picked a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and I was looking through the shirts.

There was a nice Kiss shirt with Gene Simmons on the front and I threw it onto my arm. I didn't have much money with me so I didn't want to keep looking in fear that I would find something else I liked.

After paying for my clothes, I bought a milkshake at McDonalds and left the mall. I was going to have to pay my old friend, the park, a visit.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I sat down on the swing and closed my eyes. Thinking about touchy subjects like this wasn't always a fun thing to do but it was definitely a necessary one. It was unhealthy to keep these things inside of my system.

I was just so confused about everything. I had been the one that had asked Ashley to hang out and yet I had almost drived him out of the place. I was so hostile, so irrationally mad at him.

It wasn't irrational, Andy. You know why you were mad at him.

Yes, I guess I knew but it was irrational. He hadn't directly hurt me. It was all a product of my imagination. Just because Ashley was going out on dates with a girl it didn't mean he was cheating on me. We didn't even have a relationship going.

I guess it was just jealousy. Anger had been the closest thing I had ever felt to it so maybe I misinterpreted things. I had no right to be mad at him.

Maybe I should just call and apologize for acting so weird. Let him know that it's not his fault, you know? But it was his fault.

No, Andy, no it wasn't. It wasn't his fault. So now it's your fault Andy? No. Then whose is it? I don't know. Love? Love? Yes love.

I dropped my head to my hands and growled. "Damn this all." My words were just above a whisper.

I opened my eyes and took a look around me. Taking a deep breath I tried to steady my heart beat. I was going to be completely fine. All I had to do was call him to apologize and try to control my emotions.

We were (hopefully) still friends, so it was okay if we hung out like we had been doing all these days. The fact that he's seeing someone shouldn't affect our relationship. It shouldn't.

I've always been good at hiding my emotions so why should I all of a sudden fail at it? A smile appeared on my face as I put it into practice.

Good. I was good. All I had to do was pretend I was okay and soon I would start to believe it.

Numbness, here I come.

A/N:
These boys have a messed up way of coping with things, don't you think?

Thanks again for reading this guys. The fact that this story has more than 1k is amazing. :) please comment. I would appreciate it if you guys could tell me if I'm doing good so far.

Love you all.

-Michelle