Remember Me (gxg)

23 : Control

Noah's POV

Ever since Colby came to visit I haven't been able to stop talking to her or to stop thinking about her. I don't understand why it's easy to speak with her or how she gets me to speak about things I would normally not talk about. Something about her makes me want to tell her everything.

We both have kept our ends of the deal. I have been more open to my family about what I am feeling and have been seeing my doctor more often. I also agreed to see a therapist. My moms didn't force me to but I know that they were hoping I said yes to therapy. It has been helping, but to me I feel like Colby is the one that is the biggest help.

Seeing her and speaking with her makes me calm down. To my surprise, since the times we have talked, at least the ones that I can remember, it seems like we both can trigger each other very easily. She infuriates me the most but she is also the one that reaches a part of me that no one else seems to be able to.

I guess with her all my emotions are heightened.

Our phone calls were more business than personal the first two times then they became more personal. I was starting to get happy when the time came for us to have our call. I want to know what happened during those four months, but I will have to admit that I was more happy about getting to talk to her.

I feel like a kid who gets their crush's attention for the first time.

Coming here I did not expect for anything physical to happen. I came here because I know that she would help me get through my bad news. Which she did.

The moment I saw her dancing with Kylie something came over me. Nothing else was in sight besides them. Next thing I know I'm pushing Kylie off of her and shouting.

Everything happened fast. I won't say that I didn't have control over my body because I did. However, it felt as if my mind was more in control of my actions rather than me. I know that I sound crazy but I think I knew something before I actually knew it.

Then came the kiss. I couldn't resist the urge anymore. I needed to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. And when I did everything stopped. This kiss was different from the one at the viewpoint. This one sparked something. Don't get me wrong, the kiss at the viewpoint was amazing. I have never felt a kiss like that before. This time it felt like I was pouring my emotions out through the kiss.

I did not imagine that it would lead to us having sex. To me lying here with Colby in my arms. Her head resting on my chest. Her eyes slowly become heavy as she begins to fall asleep.

For weeks I could not sleep throughout the entire night. There was too much pain. I would wake up in a panic not remembering why I woke up in the first place. It also took me a long time to fall asleep. When I have Colby in my arms I seem to have no trouble falling asleep.

When we are not together I found that speaking to her before going to bed or even falling asleep while talking to her was the only way that I would get some decent rest.

Now that she's in my arms again I am also beginning to fall asleep.

"Noah" Colby mumbles.

"Mhm" my eyes close.

"I love you" she says very quietly but I can hear her.

My body freezes at those three words. My eyes open. I no longer feel tired. I look down at her but she is fully asleep. Was she talking in her sleep or did she mean that?

What have I just done? This was a mistake. She can't love me. Not now. I'm not ready.

My breathing is starting to become uncontrollable. I move off the bed without waking Colby up.