like a volcano | minsung (and a hell lot of other ships) ✓

𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑛.

(anonymous pov)

I gazed out the window, watching the sparrow feed its kids. Parental love was beautiful to look at, but isn't  everything that you don't have look beautiful too see?

The math class was boring. I maybe did get called out for not being attentive, but I didn't care. The guy I hated, Niki, whispered something to his friend Jungwon and they both snickered. Of course.
I found myself thinking longingly what it felt like to have actual friends at all. People to laugh with, not commit crimes with.

To be one of these people whose only concerns were homework and exams. To be one of these people who didn't have dens in their houses.
To be a human.

If I keep feeling sorry for myself it'll just make my life more miserable. It won't help matters because nothing's gonna change. I'll always be like this.

The bell for break rang yet again. My day was too long, with all of my gang absent. But the strange thing was, I didn't know how I felt about being separated from them for a while. It oddly felt like I could breathe, but the air was too strange and new.
I wandered, like a lonely soul. I didn't feel like bullying or terrorizing anyone. But I couldn't do anything about the image I had at school.

Kids passed me by. They screamed insults. It hurt, but I knew I deserved it. They kicked me. I fell. But I didn't speak.
Teachers saw me and gave me their lectures. They uttered taunts. But I didn't speak.
My class fellows made fun of me. But I didn't speak.
I didn't have a voice.

I had the bruises that I certainly deserved. God gave me my punishment. I couldn't go anywhere. I was stuck in this forever.
My bruises hurt so much, so I took my ointment to the bathroom. Removing my shirt, I tried to apply the ointment on my back. It was difficult but I tried my best. Sensing that I was alone, I couldn't help but break down. Everything hurt. I cried. I spoke to no one, because who would listen to me? I was forever shadowed because I was the evil they warned all the children about.

Putting my shirt back on, I exited the cubicle. But on the way back, I saw someone.
It was a boy. He looked older than me. He was good-looking. He did not pretend that he didn't hear me. I did not pretend that I didn't cry. Instead, I looked him in the eyes, the vulnerable, disgraced fallen angel that I was like.

But he didn't look back at me like the judgmental, foolish humans. His eyes told a story, hidden deep underneath like the Arctic ocean.
He looked cold but warm at the same time. Someone with a different story.

"Are you okay?" He asked.
"What do you think?" I asked him. He looked surprised at my question, then a bit embarrassed of his foolish question.
"Well.. I think that you're hurting," he said.
"And..?" I asked.
"Where does it hurt?" He asked.

Now it was my turn to be speechless. Never in my entire life had I heard someone say this to me. Where does it hurt? I didn't know what to tell him.
"Everywhere. It hurts everywhere," I decided.
"Come here," he said.
I was so skeptical of his intentions. But an instinct told me to follow him outside. So I did.

He took me under a shady black currant tree. There were jasmine trees nearby, so it was fragrant. There was a bench there so he gestured me to sit with him. I did as he told me.
"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.
"No." I said.
"Okay." He smiled.

Okay. He probably knew me and what I did, but he chose not to judge but also tried to comfort me? This person is different and extraordinary.
"You know me, don't you?" I ask him.
He sighs. "Yes, I do. But you don't look good at all. Looks like you're on your own pathway to becoming a human from an animal. And I want it to happen."

"Why do you believe in me?" I ask.
"Why don't you believe in yourself?" He asks instead. I become speechless one more time.
"Because I'll always be like this."
"You won't."
"Pardon?"
"There is someone very kind and beautiful inside of you. All that is left is your choice. If you choose to, you can become a good person. But if you choose to, you can stay where you are. You can get scared and stay like the frog in the well, but if you choose to, you can rise up."

"I don't think so." Tears spilled on my cheeks. I felt pathetic exposing myself, but still, being exposed to a stranger was less painful.
"In the journey of thousand miles, only the first step is most difficult. As you walk along the journey, you get used to it and it becomes easier gradually. I believe in you. I can be your first step. I'll try my best to help you." He said kindly.

Everything hurt even more. I cried harder and harder, but only he could see it. The black currant tree was bushy enough to hide me from everyone.
"Don't cry. You're too precious to cry. Every soul is. Every one deserves a chance." He said.
The lunch hour was over. I had to go back to my class. I had to say goodbye, even when I didn't want to.

"Hey, I forgot your name," I said.
He smiled. "Sunghoon."