I'll Stay

Ch.29

It was the next morning and the conversation that I had with Paulina was still ringing through my ears. She's right. I know she's right, but it's just so hard to put my feelings on the line for someone. I'm scared so scared, because I know that if I get hurt this time it's over.

Deep down in my heart I know Valen wouldn't hurt me, but how sure can you be? How can I put faith in someone when I don't even trust myself ?

"Hey Novah I'm going out of town for a few days to meet up with my lawyer and go over things in time for our trial so I'll be back Tuesday, ok?" Paulina comes into my view with her bags already packed. "Ok, when are you leaving ?" I questioned not noticing or hearing when she packed. "OH SHIT LIKE RIGHT NOW" She yelled out checking her phone and looking at the time.

She quickly rushed to me, gave me a quick hug and dashed out the door yelling out that she'd see me later and that she'll miss me.

Don't get me wrong I've grown to love Paulina and her company, but sometimes being alone is good. Especially now when I'm questioning myself and my feelings for a certain blue eyed boy.

Just tell him how you feel it's not that hard
The voice in my head tells me trying to encourage me to fess up and express my feelings. You know what fuck it I'll do it. What's there to lose anyways? Your dignity. Your friend. Your peace of mind. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I'm so confused what to do, this voice needs to shut up.

I sit down slowly rocking back and forth with my hands on my head, it's like I'm going crazy. This boy is driving me mad.

Do it.

I can't I'll ruin everything.

Do it.

I'll ruin him.

Do it.

All I am is baggage.

DO IT.
~•~
"Novah what are you doing here?" Valen asked rubbing his eyes

It was 1:32 am. Yes I know I took the whole day contemplating whether I want to do this. This is a big decision. Talking about your feelings? Being vulnerable? That's things I don't do. Not anymore.

"Can I come in." I say fiddling with my beaded bracelets. He moved to the side and allowed me to enter. I waited for him to close the door and join me on the couch. "What's on your mind Novah"

You.

"I don't know how to do this.

This is all foreign to me Valen. I'm not sure why you feel the way you feel for me now, but I feel the same. You're all that's running through my fucking mind it's unbearable and I can't contain it.
I just don't..I dont know ho- I don't understand any of this." I let all out with my head tucked in my lap not wanting to face him.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, making me lift my head up a tad. I get a hold of his gaze. We stare at each other for a while until he breaks the silence that was eating me alive

"You think I know how to do this either? I've never felt the way I've felt for you for anyone, and to be genuine, it scares the shit out of me. It scares me that your laugh can calm me down and blur out everything but you, it scares me that i look forward to hearing your voice, it scares me that I take pride in becoming this close with you, it scares me that I have to restrain myself from kissing you all the damn time. All of this scares me Novah, every last bit of it. But I'm willing to go through all of this blindly, because you're worth it."

I'm not worth it. I know that.

"You're wrong" I stand up and turn away from him.

"Your wrong Valen, I'm not worth it. Which is exactly why I don't want to suck you into my fucked up life, all I am is baggage. I'll just drag you down and soon you'll realize that and I'll get hurt and I don't know how I can recover from that Valen, I can't" I hear him get up from his couch and walk over to me facing me. He brings his hand to my chin and lift my head up. We lock eyes.

His eyes are bright. They hold a future, they hold potential happiness. Mines are dull and empty, all I would do is suck the life right out of him.

"I don't ever wanna hear you say that you're not worth it. You're more than worth it Novah. I don't know how you can't see it, how you can't see how absolutely incredible you are? I mean you're so selfless  like who just lets someone live in their apartment rent free? You, Novah. Who would go through hell and back just to make someone happy? You. I mean for fucks sake you got me a fucking guitar bro, like super off track but like what fuck man. You're the most amazing, caring, selfless person I know so I call complete bullshit when you say you're not worth it. Because from now to the moment I met you, you've been worth every single second of my time. So there's no way on earth I'm going to let you think all these negative things about you, things that are far from the truth."

His eyes still locked with mines. Mines that are now watering.

I tip toe up to meet his face, I put my hands on the sides of his face and bring my lips to his. This kiss was different though, it was slow and full of passion. He brings me closer by wrapping his arm on my waist.

He's too good for me, I know it. But it gives me more of a reason to try harder, to try every morning. To keep trying. He gives me a motive in life.

Im aware it's been a while since I've uploaded a chapter, which I am very sorry for. A lot has been going on and on top of that school hasn't been easy. But I will try to start uploading regularly guysss. Thanks for reading Ch.29!! I'll see you guys in the next chapter

xoxo