I'll Stay

Ch.11

(I dont know shit about psych wards so this is based off my knowledge and what I think so if I'm wrong in anyway please tell me. Again I do not know much about psych wards so please dont hate on me if I get something wrong)

Today was the day. I'd be admitting myself into a psych ward. Maybe after my time there I'll be normal. I'll be normal enough to be a good friend to Michelle, I'll be normal enough to be open to Valen, I'll be normal enough to do normal activities. I'll be well enough to actually participate in track. I'll be normal enough to have a life.

I dont take anything with me except my keys and my wallet, before I lock the door I look around my apartment saying goodbye in my head. I finally close the door. Should I say bye to valen? No, it's for the best he wont even notice I'm gone. Anyways I'll see him in 2 weeks, a week if I'm lucky.

~•~

I arrive at the nearest emergency room and meet the receptionist. "May I help you" the lady that looks to be in her 60's said to me coldly. "Yes um I want to admit myself into a psych ward." She gives me a sheet of paper to fill put and tells me to sit down.

I gave the paper to the receptionist and she told me I'd be admitted soon and just have to go through a little process. About an hour or 2 went by and I was finally being admitted.

I was here. The place I've been dreading to come to for the past week. I was stripped from my clothes as they examined me throughly. She noted on my scars. I probably should've covered them now that I think about it.

They took all my belongings which wasnt much and dressed me into this long white gown. They told me I'd be sharing a room with someone else. This facility was big but empty. The walls were plain and white. There were no clocks to be seen. I couldn't tell the time. There were no calendars so I coudnt tell the date. I came here to feel more saner but I feel far away from the world than I did before.

Everyone here looked empty just as me. They all looked dead, like they didn't want to be alive. Looks like I've found my people. Not the time to be joking Novah My self conscious tells me.

I was taken to my suppose room and met a girl laying on her bed head facing the ceiling just staring up into nothing. The door closed after they told us they'd be back to announce when dinner was ready. As the door closed the girl looked at me. Her eyes red as ever. She looked tired. Tired of everything. Her cherry red hair was messy and untamed. "I'm tired" the girl said.

"Im so tired" The girl continued as tears began dropping from her eyes. "I want to leave, and I'm not talking about this place." "I want to leave so bad" I understand, I want to leave too but i wont let myself.

"Everyday here is a day more than I want to live for" I say nothing because I have nothing better to say, I cant comfort her and tell her everything will be ok when I cant even tell myself that. "I'm Novah" was all I could bring myself to say.

"I'm paulina" the red head said. "What are you here for" she asked, I contemplated whether to speak the truth or not. Well she would be my roommate for a while so I might a well. "I'm absolutely numb, I cant feel shit. I'm a danger to myself. I've had many thought of doing unimaginable things to myself, and these voices in my head are eating me up. I cant even hear myself, I only hear them talking. Every second of the day. I hear them, and them only. I cant sleep without still hearing them take over my mind, I cant eat, I cant even just breathe without hearing them." I breathe out.

Paulina just stared at me. She came closer and closer till her arms were wrapped around my arms. She was hugging me. "I know I dont know you but we'll both get through this"

~•~

We were called for dinner. The dining hall was big and fit a lot of people. From little kids to full grown adults, everyone was here. Everyone struggles, age doesnt matter. Everyone has their own problems. So I dont want to hear anyone tell a 10 year old that they're not depressed and that they're fine and that they're just sad for the moment. Everyone goes through shit. No one knows what goes through someone's mind, no one knows what voices are creeping through their mind. No one knows what demond is possessing them, and what creeping soul is controlling them. No one knows anything, so stop assuming.

I grab my food and sit down at a table filled with teens like me. I look down at the food, it was porridge, rice, corn, and mash potatoes. The utencles they gave us were paper material like. They were a thin and flimsy type of paper material. I guess I understand why.

I look around. Some where talking and some were not. Some were eating and some were not. Some were happy and some were not.

I dont know how I'm gonna survive here for what, 2 week ? Hopefully 2 weeks.

I miss Valen. I regret not saying goodbye. Oh shit. I'm such a horrible friend. I didnt even tell Michelle. I just disappeared without telling her, she deserves better than me. She got cursed with me. I fucked up really bad. I hope she's not worried over me, I would understand if she wants nothing to do with me. That would be a good choice, stay as far away from me as possible. Get a friend you actually deserve not me.

I dont deserve anything good in my life.

Thank you for reading chapter 11, it means so much to me that your going on this journey with Novah. You guy might be seeing more of Paulina idk yet though. See you guys in chapter 12
(Next chapter Valens POV)

Xoxo