Converse x Vans

Survivors guilt

TW: Swearing, Mentions of suicide.

Nicks POV

I feel the light glistening onto my skin. My eyes flutter open to see Charlie in my arms beside me. Everything is normal until the events dawn upon me from last night.

Did I have to live?

I don't even remember coming back into bed last night, did I pass out? My thoughts continue to run wild until I feel Charlie turn towards me and hold my face.

"What's wrong? He asks.

"Nothing."

"Nick." He sighs. "Something horrible happened last night you're not okay, I know it."

I know that I'm not okay, but I don't want to tell Charlie, he's always been the person who has needed help. No offence obviously.

"I'm okay char I promise just shaken up." I lie.

"Nick, I watched you last night sleeping you were so scared and I'm worried about you so I booked a session with Dr Geoffrey today at twelve pm."

I know Char is only trying to help but for some reason it's making me feel worse him trying to "make" me better. I want Charlie to be with me while I recover from this but I don't want him to be overbearing and up my ass all the time.

"Thanks Char, I appreciate it." I clearly lie.

I know Charlie knows I'm lying but I think it would be better for him to just let me go into this therapy session alone and then I can tell him about it.

"Call me if you need anything." He says placing a kiss on my forehead.

I feel bad for shunning Charlie out but to be honest I hate that he's being overbearing but like at the same time I appreciate it. It's weird I guess but everything has been weird since last night and now I'm different and to be honest I want to be who I was before the incident.

I want to be normal again.

I want to be Nick again not Nicholas Nelson. I want to be Nick, the guy who played rugby and was somewhat innocent not Nicholas Nelson the guy who saw a kid kill himself.

Charlies POV

I really hope Nicks okay, he's been through so much and I know he's not the best with expressing his feelings, but I want him to trust me with his feelings. I mean were dating and living in the same house and are going to get engaged soon. Maybe He'll tell me if anything is going wrong with him but I'm not going to go into the therapy session today nor will I ask about it to Dr. Geoffrey because I want Nick to tell me about it when he is absolutely ready and not because I told him to. I check the time, eleven twenty-five. Time to go I guess.

"Nick, we have to go the appointments soon hunny!" I call from downstairs.

"Coming!" He calls back.

He comes down the stairs looking somber, so I'll drive to let him get prepared for the session. Dr Geoffrey can be very full on and question after question type guy, but I asked for him to be a little more understanding and to listen to Nick more than he should ask questions and luckily Dr Geoffrey was absolutely okay with that and said he would as be understanding as he could be do a degree of professionalism.

"You alright?" I say turning to Nick.

"Yeah, no." He speaks. "I'm so scared for this session, and I don't even know why, like it's not the worst thing to be going to but it just is scary for me to be going now because of the circumstances and what's happened and how I know I need to talk to someone it's just the degree of talking to someone with the fear of rejection or something that's scaring me so much Char."

Tears are welling up in Nicks eyes now and he is one the edge of a complete mental breakdown and I feel like if I say anything he's going to completely cry a river and I'm driving so I can't actually make sure he's absolutely okay.

"Nick, I know you don't want to talk to everyone and that's okay." I sigh. "Pick the people you want to talk to and all the other you don't want to talk to you don't want to talk to about your own problems its almost like coming out just in a different context."

I was focused on driving as I say this but when I turn to Nick his eyes are blood shot red and face is soaked, silent tears are running down his face as he looks at me with disparity. I feel horrible for Nick because I know he's struggling with this and I don't blame him I would be to and to see him this venerable and sad is hitting me hard because I don't think I've ever seen him this sad.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to load this all onto you." Nick apologies.

"First off, no saying the S word." I smile. "And I want you to tell me what's going on if you need to tell me but if you don't that's fine but I want you to tell me if you are feeling down or need someone to talk to."

A smile appears across Nick's face, I call this the Nick smile because he's the only person that can pull of this smile and make me blush or give me butterfly's.

"Thanks Char." Nick smiles.

"Don't thank me, cause were already here."

Nicks POV

We pull into the carpark, shit. I didn't realize how nervous I was until now. I want to get help but these places creep me out. My breath gets shaky and I feel my fists clench hard. I feel a hand glide through my hand and loosen my hand. It's Chars hand.

"How about I walk you in and come in if you want." He smiles.

"I think I'll go in by myself but not walk in I need my boyfriend to help." I laugh.

"Ok cheesyMCcheese lets go." He smiles.

We walk into the therapy center together to be honest I don't even know the actual name although there's one hundred percent one.

Authors Note:

Hey everyone! I'm really sorry about releasing this so late. I hope you guys have been having a good few day since I last posted and I know I haven't been doing Authors Notes because I wasn't extremely motivated, but I am now so I'll see you guys next chapter. Bye everyone!