Converse x Vans

Char please.

TW: Mentions of SH, Mentions of Suicide.
Charlie's POV

I walk back up the stairs toward our bedroom. The stairs seem dull and dark. I open the door gingerly and peer into our room. Nicks sleeping soundly, which is good. I walk into the bathroom and stare at the mirror, a few years ago I would've seen me, plain old me but now I see a dead shell of a person. A tear forms in my eyes and falls out, many more follow these tears like a stampede. I look away from the mirror and see something. I shouldn't. I can't. I have to try not to.

The razors blades shine in sunlight and hypnotise me into its grasp. Everything blurs and my hand grasps the tiny but, dangerous razor blade. The sheets rustle and my head turns.

Nicks standing in the doorway starting at me.

Nicks POV

I heard something coming from the bathroom and just thought that Charlie was going to the bathroom, but then I heard quiet sobs and I got up to check on Charlie. When I walked in, I saw Charlie hold a razor blade, his cheeks shining from tears and he is looking at me with this expression of oh shit.

I can't speak, nor can I move. Charlie hasn't moved and I feel as though my body is stuck to the floor. I know Charlie is struggling but I didn't know he was struggling this much and it breaks my heart it see him like this.

"Char" I say softly.

He's silent, the silence pierces my body like a pin to a pin cushion.

"Char please" I choke. "Please don't say you were going to do it"

"I'm sorry" Charlie stammers quietly.

The feeling of guilt engulfs me and all I can think is. I did this to Charlie and didn't help him.

The glue that was on my feet has disappeared. I take the razor from Charlie's hand and throw it into the bin. I look back up at Charlie and see his weary eyes looking at me.

I hug Charlie softly, I don't have to say to Charlie it's okay because he knows, I know he does. Charlie starts to let out little sobs into my chest and I can feel my shirt dampening.

"It's okay Char" I say assuringly.

I let go and when Charlie hugs me a little more, he hugs me and puts all of his weight onto me.

"I'm sorry Nick" Charlie mumbles through my shoulder.

"Don't be hunny" I sigh.

"I just feel like such a burden and like I can't do anything, I don't want this anymore Nick I don't want to do this anymore I'm sorry but I can't, I've tried to hang on but hanging on isn't working"

Tears are welling in my eyes and are getting ready to escape. I never knew Charlie would he thinking about suicide. I never helped Char, I'm such a horrible boyfriend I'm such a failure.

"It's okay Char" I manage to say.

The only words in my vocabulary are the three words I just said. My only words I can mutter are it's okay char! how pathetic am I. WHY AM I SO PATHETIC.

"Are you okay Nick?" Charlie asks looking up at me.

"Yeah why?" I ask snapping out of my nightmare.

"Your breathing quickened and then your grip got tighter around me" Charlie says.

"Are you okay" I stress. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine Nick don't worry the question is are you?" Charlie asks.

"Yeah, I'm good" I say, I'm lying to Charlie when I should just tell him.

"Are you sure?" Charlie, is now worrying a lot and I don't really know what to say anymore.

"I'm fine hunny, I just want to know you are"

"I'm not doing super great but not the worst so I'll be fine" Charlie says hoping I don't continue this conversation.

I know he doesn't want me to continue this conversation so I don't.

"Ok if you start to get worse or feel down please tell me" I reply.

"Yeah I will" Charlie says quietly.

"Please Char." I beg. "Please Char promise me you'll tell me"

"I will, as long as you do the same" Charlie says.

"Promise." I say.

I hold out my pinky, I feel a smile spread across my face it's probably the ones Charlie told me about where I get excited and then have a "cute" smile.

"This is so childish" Charlie laughs.

"I don't care just do it" I laugh.

Charlie interlocks his pinky with mine and then let's go.

"Come on let's go" Charlie says.

"We're can we go?" I ask.

"Downstairs, lounge room, movies" Charlie says.

"Are we watching the movies?" I tease.

"NICHOLAS!" Charlie laughs. "Yes we are watching the movies."

"Ok then" I laugh.

I take Charlie's hand downstairs and we turn on the TV and start to watch a movie Charlie picked out. My eyes drift until their closed and then I feel myself float away into a deep sleep.

Charlie's POV

I think something is wrong with Nick. Like not in a bad way but he definitely seems off, he properly zoned out and then his breathing quickened and then his grip tightened. That's something he doesn't do, the zoning out part is semi-normal but not the other two. I'm scared for Nick and I don't want him to suffer alone, though I know I can't push because he'll get angry and I don't want him angry at all.

Tiny peaceful snores come from my lap, I look down to see Nicks head on my lap and his body curled into a ball. The movies scene is getting to the big part or whatever but I can't seem to stop focusing on Nick, his perfect blond hair, his amazing skin, muscly arms and amazing chest to lay on but I wonder what's going on inside his head, I wish I could enter it and know what he was thinking.

Chase enters the house, he seems happy? Sorta.

"Hey Charlie" he says expressionless.

"Hey Chase how was your day at school"

"Yeah good" he says timidly.

"That's good" I say.

Chase then goes up to his room and shuts the door. I work from home now and Nicks school had a no people school day or something because a pipe broke so we've been chilling all day.

It bothers me though that everyone seems off, Nick and Chase, I know Chase has had a hard time since Jane disowned me, Chase and Tori as her children but to be honest she did it so I didn't have to.

Nick jolts awake and as he looks around worriedly, Chase comes flying down the stairs in complete tears.

Authors Note:
Hi everyone! I hope you guys have been doing really well and are eating and drinking enough for yourself. I'm really sorry I've been inconsistent with my uploads of this story, I'm really trying but I just don't have time, my teachers are throwing homework at us left right and centre and I haven't had time but I will try my hardest to be as consistent as I can. On a positive note..... WERE NEARLY CLOSE TO 2000 READS! I love and appreciate everyone who has read this story through the time I've been creating it and do everyone commenting such nice and beautiful things, I thank you soo much because without you guys I would be still writing this story today. I love you guys so much and I hope you have an AMAZING and LOVELY WEEK! Bye everyone!