Converse x Vans

Denial

Nicks POV

I woke up today to Charlie asleep with his phone open and I know I shouldn't have snooped but I did and I feel bad about it, it was messages from Tori asking him to come home and have a family reunion because she was in town again. Her job is an artist and she's really good at it and makes decent money, she travels all over the world and makes art it's pretty cool to be honest.

"Morning baby cakes" Charlie groans.

"Pet names my thing and I'm not baby cakes" I say adding a drop of sas.

"Ok sassy"

"Hey Char I need to tell you something" I say.

"Yeah what is it Nick" Charlie says.

"I sorta woke up and I saw your phone was on Tori's messages and I snooped" I say disappointedly.

"Hey it's okay I'm not mad I gave you my passcode for a reason but still please don't do that"

"Ok I'm sorry" I say tears coming to my eyes.

"It's okay don't worry im not mad"

"But I think you are" I say my voice cracking.

"Come here"

Charlie pulls me into a hug and we sit there for a few minutes. I wish I could have this everyday just without the guilt that lingers in my chest.

The day continues normally except I still feel as if Charlie hasn't forgiven me. I don't know why I do this but I do, I've always had a hard time with accepting people have forgiven me and it really takes a toll on me.

"Nick?"

"Yeah" I say coming back to reality.

"What's wrong you've been zoning out all day" Charlie ask's obviously concerned.

"I'm sorry it's just" I start. "I've always had a hard time accepting people forgive me for something that I've done"

"That's okay but I do forgive you and i gave you password for a reason and if you did it again I wouldn't mind" Charlie says.

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not Nick"

"Yes you are you said not to do it again and now you're saying you wouldn't mind I know your trying to help but you making me feel like proper shit right now"

"I'm not trying to do that"  Charlie snaps.

"I'm going out." I say bluntly standing up.

"Okay" Charlie says.

I know I shouldn't do this but for some reason I know that I need to go out before I really snap. I'll go to the boxing place near us get some anger out there. I text Charlie.

Nick: I'm sorry about before I know you were trying to help

Charlie: don't worry Nick are you okay though

Nick: no I'm going to a boxing place to vent some anger and then I'll be home give me a few hours I'll message you when I'm coming home call if you need anything.

Charlie: ok love you have fun❤️

Nick: bye love you 🥰

I arrive at the boxing place called Boxing arena! I walk in and go to the receptionist and she tells me that I can go in and not to get into any fights, though I'm not planning on it. I walk in, and start to make my way towards the boxing bad and as I get there I feel my anger start to come out in waves of punches. I start to smash the bag and as I punch I feel my nails dig into my palms. I punch one more time and the bag gives way flying back into the wall. I stand there shocked at how in not even five minutes I could break a punching bag. I turn around and leave putting twenty dollars on the reception desk.

As I'm driving home I pull onto the side of the road, I feel tears, anger and shock all flood into my body at once I don't know what to do. I continue to cry but the anger hits and I punch the headrest beside me, then the shock comes again and I sit there until it all happens again until I see Charlie coming towards me.
He seems distressed but also calm which scares me.

"Hey"

"Hey" I say confused. "Why are you here?"

"Well when I get a call from a friend working at the place you just were saying you broke a punching bag I'm going to come and talk to you" Charlie reasons.
"So what's wrong?"

"Well it's just for some reason I've always had a hard time accepting people forgave me so today when I snooped on your phone I just had this feeling of discomfort and anger and when I was punching it felt like my consciousness was telling me to keep punching and now look" I say showing him my palms indented with fingernail marks.

"Hey I do forgive you and I'll drive us home let's watch a marvel movie" Charlie says smiling.

"A series?"

"Yep anyone you want" he says.

"Agents of Shield I feel bad for Daisy"

"Ok let's go" Charlie says getting out of the car and opening the door for me on the other side.

The car ride home is quiet but it's only because I'm so excited to watch Agents of shield which spans across the whole much timeline and is so cool! I love Charlie but I don't really know if he does forgive me but he does I know he does but deep down I have a tiny suspicion he doesn't.

We arrive home and as we watch agents of shield I feel Charlie fall asleep laying his head on my shoulder.

I love Char so much and I hate to see him like this but I'll fix it but with his aunties party and family dinner it's going to be a rough few weeks for him but I will be there by his side and as Jemma and Phitz kiss for the first time I feel myself start to fall asleep so I turn the television off and fall asleep next to the love of my life even though tomorrows going to be rough for Char.

Authors Note:
Hi everyone happy new year! I hope you guys had the best year in 2022 and I know it was a struggle for some of us but we got through it so excited to be releasing more chapters! Sadly my mental health has been dropping so though I am excited it may not be all the time updates maybe once a week and I'm so sorry about it but I am really struggling at the moment so thank you everyone for the support❤️