Blood Within Myself//Gerard Way

He was his mothers child. (24)

A WEEK LATER:
We all flew home together, I missed my mom. I looked around the room, my pink walls, and the zebra print pillows, my smashing pumpkins posters, my blink-182 posters, my Corey Haim poster on my door. Everything seemed so small right now. I know it hasn't been that long since I was home, but my old room always feels so nostalgic when I come home. I mean I feel 16 again.
All of the stuff I'm my room is so.. teenager. The last time I was here I touched nothing. I wanted it to be trapped in this sort of time capsule. My old jewelry was still sitting on the dresser. My old clothes in the closet. It was weird. I woke up in the morning, funny enough I was wearing a pair of Gerard's old pajamas. "Morning mom." I stretched and walked down the stairs. It was weird waking up in my moms house without my brother there. It was weird being grown in my moms house. "Morning honey, did you sleep okay?" She kissed my head. "I slept fine." I smiled. That's when I heard a knock on the door. My mom went to answer it. "Hello Mrs. Taylor, by chance can I take your daughter out?" I heard Gerard and walked over to the door. "I'm not sure, should I let her go?" My mom teased. "I'm very respectful and I'll have her home in time." Gerard joked and walked in. "Go ahead, I'm just teasing." My mom smiled and patted my back. "Where are we going?" I asked Gerard. "No where special, just to go get comics." He smiled and hugged me. "I'll go in pajamas then." I shrugged and walked out the door with him. "I missed those pants." He sighed. "That sucks." I laughed and got in his car. The same car that I sat in everyday at 16 years old. How the hell does this beat up thing still run?? It's crazy. "So, how about we go look at comics, even if you don't particularly enjoy it, and then go grab breakfast?" Gerard said to me. "Sounds great Gee man." I gave him a thumbs up. "I'm hoping we can work back to you know.." Gerard sighed. "Let's try again." I shrugged. "I'm mature enough to say I miss you." I continued. "And I'm mature enough to say I miss you more." He said, as we pulled into a parking lot that I haven't pulled into in 5 1/2 years. Being 16 this parking lot was everything. I would come here every night around 8:30 pm to come in and see Gerard, and hang out until 9 when he got off. "Haven't came in here for a while. I figured it was appropriate for the time." He smiled and took the keys out. "Seems like it." I said and got out of the car. We walked in and I looked around. "Remember when you snuck out of the house and had Frank drive you here so you didn't have to walk?" Gerard looked at me. "In my defense my mom seen me leaving and was going to beat my ass if she got in her car and found me." I laughed. "I guess that's true." He laughed too. We walked into the store. It still felt the same. It had the same lame cashier, the one who worked alongside Gee. The design was the same. However it was more empty and lifeless than before. "Gerard! Hey man what's up?" The lame cashier, who I believe was named "Bryan" shook Gerard's hand. "Hey man." Gerard smiled. "How's the band?" The cashier asked. "Good, we are really gonna get somewhere man." Gerard leaned against the register. "How's the shop doing?.." Gerard asked. Clearly he knows the answer, not well. It looks terrible. "Same old, same old. I think we are gonna close down soon." Cashier responded. "Sorry dude." Gee responded. "Oh and hey! Ellie right?" The cashier said to me. "Yeah! Hi." I smiled. "Anyway we are gonna look around Bryan." Gerard smiled. Ahh so it is Bryan. He wasn't very memorable. I'll never forget how he laughed after Gerard almost got murdered during his shift by some dumb guy with a gun. "Ok so, I bought a comic. So now let's go shopping for you okay?" Gerard said as we walked out. "No, I'm good seriously." I laughed and sat on the curb. The same curb I used to sit on with Frank and watch as the sunset. The curb I would sometimes sit at and wait for Gerard. "Can't wait to leave this town." Gerard said and sat next to me, pulling out a cigarette out of a fresh pack of Marlboro Reds. "Why? I mean I miss it sometimes." I shrugged. "It sucks here. It's so.. unsettling. The feeling of it is uncomfortable." He took a hit of his cigarette. "Want some?" He pointed the cigarette my way. "Sure." I said and took a hit. "Smoking is a nasty habit Eleanor." He flicked the cigarette. "So? You do it." I responded. "But it's a gross habit. I should stop really. But can't deal without." Gerard looked in front of us. He looked slight different he had a new sort of look to him. One that wasn't there before. It was more dark, more different. He always was a different guy, he was his mothers child. It all made sense. Now he had thinned out more, and his hair was a bit different. The boyish look that he had to him before had faded away. He still looked clueless as all ever, but now looked older. "So be it." I responded to his cigarette comments. "That's no way for a lady to think." He blew smoke. "Hm." I responded. The air felt thin, it was quiet. The most quiet the town had been in a long time. I thought about Gerard, I thought about the things people told me about him. About him simply not being present. It's hard to think about, the boy you grew up with struggling this much. Gerard was always a happy guy, or so it seemed. I guess under the surface he could've had issues, but never enough to shine through. Now they are detailed in the under eye bags, in the demeanor. In the way he never leaves his room. In his art. "Guess I shouldn't say much when I think the same huh?" He chuckled. "Maybe." I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Mm." He looked slightly over at me and let me take another hit of his cigarette. "Things feel more light when you are around Ellie." He said to me, still just looking straight ahead. "What exactly do you mean?" I said. "Feels easier." He shrugged, putting the cigarette out on the sidewalk. "I get it." I responded. "You are one special woman Eleanor Taylor." He leaned his head against mine and simply sighed. Little did he know he was one special man. "You." I said. "Me?" He responded. "You are special." I said to him. "Yeah yeah, I'm just me." He laughed. "No really." I said. "Ellie, I'm a loser. I'm just your average day to day kind of loser." He laughed. "What makes me not a loser?" I said and played with his jacket zipper. "You are every single thing that people like in a person. You're pretty chick y'know, super smart, you are nice, got great ambition." He laughed. "But what makes you not some of those things Gee?" I asked him. "Cause I'm just Gerard." He smiled at me. "And I'm just Eleanor." I smiled. "Guess that makes us good enough for each other to keep around huh?" He laughed. "Guess it does." I laughed too. "Alright let's go get breakfast now Ellie girl." He stood up and held a hand out to help me up.

Something about sitting there with him for that hour-2 hour time frame felt like I was a kid again. It felt right. Felt like I picked up where I left off with Gerard. Like there was 0 minutes where I wasn't with him. It was like everything always came into clear sight when I was with him.