Blood Within Myself//Gerard Way

We Were Younger (20)

LATER THAT NIGHT:
I walked into the small bedroom at the corner of the hallway upstairs in my mothers house. My old bedroom. The room that my mom refuses to redecorate "incase I move home again". I walked in and closed my door, then looked at the Corey Haim poster on the back of it. What's even going on with that dude anymore? Not sure.. drugs? I hope he's okay. I had a crush on him when I was in elementary school. I had posters, magazines, t-shirts. All of it. I guess you could say I had a crush. I opened my closet to find clothes that I left behind. Hm? Some of Gerard's old shirts. And Mikey's eyeball records t-shirt that he gave me when I stayed at his house. Along with his Smashing Pumpkins one that he also gave me. Gerard's blue sweatshirt that I took whenever I stayed the night, along with random shirts that I forgot I ever had. I didn't have room to take some of them, otherwise, I swear I would've. That's when someone knocked on my window. What the fuck? I'm not 15 anymore who is knocking on my (old) bedroom window? "Hey girl hey." Frank smiled at me. "What the fuck Frankie." I laughed. "I brought a friend." He pointed at Mikey. "Hi Ellie." Mikey smiled. "Come in. Why didn't you guys just go through the door. I don't have to sneak you guys in anymore. We aren't 15." I laughed. "Yeah, I just missed sneaking into your bedroom. I miss the electric feeling of sneaking in here and laying in your bed, whispering about boy problems." Frank smiled and plopped down on my bed. "I miss when Gerard would drag me over here and we would sneak in at night, and then sneak you back out to my moms house." Mikey laughed and sat on my bed. "I miss you guys." I said and laid down. "We miss you El's." Mikey said and also laid down. "I mean shit, at least I miss you, and Frankie misses you." Mikey shrugged. "I do miss you." Frank looked over at me. "Gee misses you too." Mikey said and looked directly at me. "Mikey." I sighed. "I know, I get it. But I promise I'm not fucking with you Ellie. I had that deep convo with him that we talked about. He poured his heart out. He told me that he regrets every second of it. Ellie he's drowning in fucking booze and depression meds. And I mean I think because of that, it's starting to get through his brain that he needed you to survive." Mikey said and rubbed his eyes afterward, I believe he was crying. Booze and depression meds. Booze and depression meds. What? How? "I wish I could've done something different Mikes, but he was so positive that I follow my dreams, and I did. I did what he asked. And he said he would wait for me, and did he? No. He's engaged." I said and sighed. "Yeah but you know? I don't think he really likes her." Frank looked at me. "What?" I was confused now. "Eliza isn't necessarily your average girlfriend. She's beautiful, but he loves you." Frank shrugged. Something was on his mind. Mikey stayed for a little longer, and then he headed home. Frank decided to stay longer than Mikey because he didn't feel like leaving yet.

"You okay?" I looked over at him. "Yeah, just thinking, that's all." He shrugged and continued looking at my ceiling. "What are you thinking about?" I turned my head and looked at him. "Being kids, and how everything was. Like do you remember how much I would sneak into your room? Remember when I came in and very first told you about Jamia? Or how I only started coming around more often because we, you know.. at my party. I mean we were.. younger? Like we were stupid and young. We just did dumb ass things." Frank laughed still looking at the ceiling. I guess that's true. Never thought about it until now, but I'm also an adult now. "That's true. I mean we didn't make the smartest decisions. Remember when my mom came in? And you almost got caught in my room?" I laughed. "And I grabbed your ankle while I was hiding under your bed and scared the shit out of you?" He laughed too. "I've always liked you Ellie." Frank then said after our laughter calmed down. "Huh?" I looked at him. "I never hated you. That's all." He shrugged. "I acted like I did when we were younger, but I always liked you." He said looking at me. "I never really thought you were ugly. I never really meant anything I said when I would make fun of you. I regret it sometimes." Frank continued. "Thanks Frankie." I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. I fell asleep, but Frank left shortly later.  Leaving a note that specifically said on the front to not read it until I got home.