Blood Within Myself//Gerard Way

Blood within (7)

"Gee?" I said and got up to my window. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said to me. "Just come in." I said and let him in. "We need to talk and if this is the only way I can get to you, then this is how it'll be." He said to me. I looked around the room, my pink walls, and the zebra print pillows, my smashing pumpkins posters, my blink-182 posters, my Corey Haim poster on my door. Everything seemed so small right now. "What do you want to talk about Gerard, I liked you." I shrugged. "I like you, that's what, I like you Ellie. I've liked you since we were little." He looked at me. He seems sincere. "Gerard I like you too. But you don't get it." I said to him. "I get it. I understand. I know what I did." He said to me. "Do you?" I looked at him. I cannot believe he is looking at me in my low rise hello kitty pajama pants, and my pink tank top. "I did fuck up Ellie, and I don't know what I did, I don't understand it." He ruffled his hair. "I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying." He said and stared directly at what seemed like my soul. "Gerard." I stared back. "I'm trying Ellie. I'm sorry." He picked up my hand. "And Ray said you were feeling bad about what happened with Frankie, but it's okay. Honestly what you did was just pay back for my stupid choices." He held my hand. "And Amber shouldn't be saying awful things about you, I'm sorry." He fiddled with my fingers. "It's fine."
I sighed. "Thank you for not thinking I'm a bad person for what happened with Frank." I shrugged. "Why do you feel so bad about it?" He sat on my bed. "I don't know." I said and sat next to him. That's a lie, I do know. Frank said something to me that night that I cannot get off my mind.

FLASHBACK TO THE PARTY NIGHT:
Frank looked at Eleanor, the most beautiful girl. "Ellie." He whispered. "Yes?" A now almost completely sober Eleanor whispered back, looking at Frank. His big eyes looking straight through her. His eyes that shined so bright, those eyes that she never even noticed. The eyes she never took enough time to notice. "I love you Ellie." He looked at Eleanor, she was shimmering. Her skin was glowing. Her hair was sitting perfect, there was nothing that he seen wrong, her imperfections were perfect. "Frank I.." Eleanor looked at the beautiful boy, knowing she didn't feel the same, knowing her heart bleeds for another. "Ellie it's okay, I know you don't feel like that about me, I know you like Gerard. It's okay." He smiled. That smile that crushed her spine, that broke her body into a million pieces. The one that should've never smiled at her, it shouldn't be this way, never should've been this way. Before Ellie could even say anything, Frank turned, falling asleep. Giving him a kiss on the forehead, Eleanor walked out. Leaving it behind, feeling like she just left the beautiful boy alone in there, to sink into his own blood.

FLASHBACK OVER:
I made up with Gerard, everything went smooth and he ended up falling asleep in my bed. He slept curled up next to me. His face was perfect. I woke up the next morning and he was gone. I decided to call Frank, the guilt was eating me alive. "Hey Ellie!" He said, his voice echoing through my phone. "Frank did you mean it?" I said to him. "I knew this shit would come up." He laughed. "Ellie, I did, at the moment, but I love you and Gerard together, so who cares? I'm seeing this girl named Jamia right now, and she's great." I can hear his smile through the phone. I let out a sigh of relief. "That's great Frankie!" I said to him. "Yeah she's beautiful." He said to me. "She seems lovely." I smiled. He rambled about her for an hour and I just listened. I've never heard Frank be enthusiastic about a girl. I'm happy for him. "I gotta go Ellie, sorry." Frank then said. "Ok, bye Frank." I laughed. He then hung up. I did my daily call with my brother and then called Mikey to see if he wanted to hang out. I don't have anyone else to hang out with anyway. "Why don't we all hang out, go to the mall or something. Ease the tension." Mikey said to me on the phone. "Perfect idea!" I said happily, then ran upstairs to get ready to go. "Ok me and Gee will pick you up in an hour. We are gonna take my moms van instead of Gerard's car so we can all ride in one car." Mikey said. "That works Mikes." I said as I went through my closet. I picked out low rise jeans and a cropped Green Day tee. Then I heard the car horn outside.

I quickly ran outside and got in the back seat. "Hey girl hey!" Frank said and smacked my head. "Ow!" I said and smacked him back. He was sitting next to Gee. "Hey Ray." I waved to Ray. "Hey!" Ray waved. I then said hey to Gee and Mikey. We pulled into the mall and then we all went inside. I somehow dragged the boys everywhere with me, and Gerard insisted on buying me some of the clothes that I liked. I let him, it's a great way of forgiving him. "How many clothes do you need, I wanna go to Spencers and make fun of the dildos." Frank said to me. "Ooo me too!" Gerard said. "Me too." Ray said and followed them. "I guess that means we go too?" Mikey looked over at me. "I guess so." I shrugged. We all went in and then headed to the food court after Frank made several. "That dildo is smaller than my dick." Comments.

"You look like a slut hanging out with so many guys!" I heard a voice say to me.. it's Miley Harris. With.. Amber? "She does doesn't she? I guess some things never change. Now she's fucking all of them and not just Frankie?! What a whore!" Amber said very very loudly. "Ok you know what that's it!" Frank said angrily. "Just leave her alone for once! She didn't do shit! Who cares who she fucked! It was one time! And you have fucked half the population Amber." Frank said. "Come on Frank let's go." Gerard turned Frank. "Hey Gerarddd." Amber winked at him. "Amber I don't like you." Gerard said and grabbed my hand. "Go suck some more dick Amber. We all know who the real slut is." Frank said angrily and flipped her off, walking away. She was fake crying now. Per usual. She always wants to get her way.

She can go run her mouth more
And I'll thrive without her.