Blood Within Myself//Gerard Way

Lets talk (6)

"Donna I really like Gerard." I said and started crying as I walked in the door. I just said that to his mom. "Oh sweetie, that's good." She smiled. "But he doesn't like me." I cried harder. "What do you mean honey?" She looked at me, clearly confused. Your son is an asshole. "He was making out with Amber all night, and then I lost my virginity but I lost it to Frank and I regret everything because I don't like Frank, and I was drunk and-" Donna cut me off. "Slow down sweetie, take a drink." She handed me water. "You and Frank had sex?" She asked me. "Yes, and I regret it, we were both drunk and I did it without thinking, and now I feel disgusting." I said and cried harder. "Why do you feel disgusting honey?" She rubbed my back. "I just feel so gross. It shouldn't have happened that way. I feel so disgusted with myself, I'm so gross." I cried. "You aren't gross honey, sometimes things just happen. But its not the end of the world." She held my face. "I want your boy to like me Donna." I looked at her. "And he will." She smiled. "Donna I really like him." I said and more tears fell. "I know my boy sweetheart. I know him. I know he will come around.  He always does. And I know he likes you." She wiped my tears. "You promise?" I looked at her and continued crying. "I do, I promise." She smiled. That's when Mikey came downstairs. "What's going on?" He asked and looked at me, clearly concerned. "Mikey this is a girl moment go on." Donna waved him away. "No I'm worried about her." Mikey sat down. "Mikey I like your brother." I looked down. "You like Gerard?" He looked at me, his face lit up. "That's great! My brother likes you. And then you would be my sister." Mikey smiled. "Mikey honey, not the time." Donna said to him. "What did he do now?" Mikey asked and looked at me. "He was all over Amber." I shrugged. "I'm sorry." He rubbed my back. "She's ugly anyway." He laughed, causing me to laugh too. "You can stay here tonight doll, I'll call your mom." Donna smiled. "She won't let me, it's no use." I shrugged. "Yes she will." Donna looked at me. I heard Donna reason with my mom on the phone. She's so good at convincing, damn. "Ok she said you can stay. Mikey can she stay in your room?" Donna asked him. "Yeah. Always." He smiled. I went upstairs and realized I didn't have clothes to sleep in. "You can borrow my clothes. I don't mind." Mikey shrugged, then walked out so I could get changed. I changed into one of his shirts and his sweatpants. "You can come in." I said and Mikey walked through the door. "That shirt looks good on you. Keep it." He smiled. "Thanks Mikes." I smiled sadly. The whole situation will not get out of my head. "Amber is on social media telling everyone you slept with Frank.." Mikey whispered as I laid down. "I did." I shrugged. "You did?" Mikey asked me. "Mhm, and I hate it Mikey." I started crying. "Hey hey don't cry, it's okay." He got up from his spot on the floor. He laid next to me and hugged me, laying his head on my back. "Mikey I'm so sad." I started crying harder. "Let it all out it's okay." He rubbed my back. I eventually fell asleep and Mikey moved back to the floor.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Donna yelling at Gerard. "Mom I'm sorry!" He said. I wandered downstairs with Mikey. "And you were supposed to weren't you?" Donna said to him. "Oh hey Ellie." Gerard smiled at me. He's acting like nothing happened, he knows what he did. I Ignored him. "Ellie?" He said to me. "What?!" I turned around. "Jesus, what's up your dick?" He looked at me. "You know what? Fuck you and Amber." I said to him. "What? I don't even talk to her?" He looked at me. "But you were touching her all night." I said to him, tears filling my eyes. "What?" He looked so confused. I forgot he was drunk, he doesn't remember. "I liked you." I said to him, tears now falling. "Ellie I like you too." He looked at me. "No you don't, you are such a liar." I said to him. "I'm not lying Els, why would I lie?" He looked at me. "Cause you like Amber. You know you do. Who doesn't?" I cried. "Is that Mikeys shirt?" He asked me. "Oh don't you dare! Don't you dare turn this into a me thing."
I cried more. "Ellie let's just talk please."
He grabbed my shoulders. "I just need to know what happened with Frank, honestly." He looked at me. "I slept with him. I slept with him cause I was mad, and drunk. I'm sorry okay? But don't you dare act like that's my fault." I was full on sobbing now. "Ellie it's okay." He looked at me. "I don't think you are a bad person." He looked at my eyes. "What?" I looked at him. "I don't think you are a bad person." That means so much, but I don't trust him right now. "Gee I don't know how to believe you." I looked at him. "I like you Ellie." He looked at me again. "I gotta go home." Is all I said.

He walked me home, it was silent, but he still walked me home. When I got home Frank was there. "Frank?.." I looked at him. "Ellie let's talk." He said and pulled me into his car. "Look Ellie. I didn't mean to you know.. fuck around. I was drunk, and-" I cut him off. "Thank god you said that cause I wanted to." I stated. Frank started laughing and so did I. "It was a mistake." He laughed. "I know." I laughed too. We talked for another hour and then I went inside. We decided to put it behind us and just stay friends. Gerard was calling my phone non stop. He was texting me about how sorry he was, and about how he didn't mean it. He really does like me, blah blah blah. I decided to hang out with Ray for the day since I felt comfortable with him. He's the only person that I feel like I can talk to freely anymore, well, him and Mikey. But Mikey is Gee's brother so I gotta keep it a little more sweet, but with Ray, I can say whatever. I know I could talk to Frank, but he was part of the reason I was feeling so upset. And at least I still had my brother.

After I hung out with Ray I decided to call my brother. "Hey Nora." He said and picked up. "I have news." I said to him. "What is it?" He laughed. "Im not a virgin anymore." I said. "Holy shit! You're joking!" He said. "Nope." I laughed. "Who?" He laughed too. "Frankie." I said. Ew. "Frankie?! Not Gerard?" He said to me. "I know, I regret it." I sighed. "I regret my first too. It's a mutual thing. Everyone regrets their first." He laughed. That made me feel a little better. We talked for another hour before I fell asleep and he hung up on me,
I woke up to the noise of my window banging.
Who is sneaking to my house at 4 am?!
"Gee..?"