Going For The Gap

How I Did Last Night

Touchdown in Brazil felt different. Like as if by avoiding him altogether my Charles radar was even stronger than ever.

I wasn't ready to see him.

I don't think I'll ever be.

So I did the only thing I could do, and just put one foot in front of the other.

And it hurt. Looking at him hurt.

Handsome as ever, when his eyes met mine across the garage a glimmer of something dark passed between us. We'd shared too much. Been through too much together. And my heart still races under his watch in spite of it all.

If he's curious about my job change, he didn't say anything to me.

We just do our best to avoid one another.

And we do it all too well at this point.

I manage to make it through an entire race weekend without uttering a word to him, nor him to I. It's enough to drive a woman to drink.

And drink I will. I arrive to the party late as heck and on purpose. I promised Carmen I'd show but I don't have it in me to spend too much time around him right now.

It hurts too much. So when I walk in I head straight for the bar, placing my usual order. I wish I didn't notice Charles chatting with a stunning raven haired gal in a corner, but I do. I'm still drawn to him. And him to I, if his hot gaze on me goes to prove anything at all.

I really, really don't want to think about this right now.

About him.

About us.

And for that, one tequila is not even close to enough. I'm waiting on my third, looking anywhere but at the corner he's in when Max approaches.

"Tough day?" He asks, eye raised to my now third drink in under ten minutes.

Yes. "No." But his face tells me he doesn't buy it. I really can't deal with this right now.

Max eyes cloud with understanding and he asks the question I wanted to hear least "Charles?"

Yes again. "Nope." Fuck. This is going nowhere. Words, Amelia. "I don't care." I throw in, hoping it convinces him.

It doesn't. "It's okay if you do." He softens, leaning into the bar on our side more casually now. Sympathetic even. Funny how I always run into him in the worst moments.

Weakest moments. I can trust him, I know I can. Maybe it's just the tequila talking, "He doesn't. So I won't allow myself to either." The truth at last falls from my lips. And with that, a deep exhale followed by another quickly emptied tequlia.

Somehow, for once, not even enough to take the edge off.

"It's not a weakness to care for other people." He adds, wise beyond his years as ever. Hitting the nail right on the head.

"When did you get so wise?" I tease with a grin, hoping to change the topic to literally anything else in the world. Even chatting about climate change would be less stressful.

A grin he doesn't return, all serious this guy. "I heard you wouldn't answer his calls."

Heart in my throat now. He called?

Of course he did. But he's too busy flirting with a new girl now. He patched up quick as fuck. Armor up, I reply "New number." With a shrug as if my head isn't scrambled to shit now.

"It's your business. Whatever makes you happy Amelia," He eyes my third empty glass in a way tells us both without a word he doesn't think I look very happy. This is a shocking amount of words from Max actually. He must be truly concerned. "New job?"

Now he's talking my language. We fall into easy chats of factories and teams and car changes like nothing. The most words we've ever exchanged before. Max isn't the hard guy he appears. Competitive sure, but he's witty and deep down very soft hearted. I'm lucky to know him. So I promised him a tour next time he's in southern Italy. An idea that gets both of our eyes sparkling with excitement, because if there's one thing we both love it is definitely fast cars. By the time he abandons me for the loo, the liquor is allowing me the confidence to remain in the same room as Charles.

I'll just allow myself one peek to see what he's doing. Just one.

The glance over my shoulder, a stab to the gut. He's still chatting with her. Closely now with his arm around her.

Fantastic.

I need a fucking joint. This is too much. So I break for the balcony, running to avoid my feelings.

A smoke can help.

And it does.

Until I hear the door click closed behind me.

Please, please don't be Charles I pray. I can't. Not now. Not after her.

"We've got to stop meeting like this mate!" For once my prayers are answered, Daniel.

"Maybe it's your sign to partake with me?" I tease him with a small smile.

Daniel is always smiling, it's contagious. Hands up in sign of surrender, "Catch me in the off season and you're on."

Interesting.

"Is that a date?" I tease him as the distance between us closes slowly. I know that look in his eye. A look of a one too many drinks in, a look of letting loose. I could use some of that tonight.

"A date? I think we're both interested in other people." His honesty does catch me off guard a little, but I try my best not to show it. We're only centimeters apart, so close I have to turn my head to take a drag. So close I start to get a little excited with anticipation. The kind of anticipation that passes between two horny people who know they have good sex.

"Is Daniel Riccardio going serious on me?" My eyes searching his to see if he's thinking the same thing I am.

"Never. We're both still seeing other people." He shakes his head as I take my last drag.

"Mhmm," I don't say much. Letting it be his decision. For once, I just want to be wanted.

"You're very beautiful." He smiles softly, reaching out to hold me by the waist.

Green light.

"And very good in bed." I'm practically daring him to take me back to his room at this point.

After seeing Charles with someone else, I want him too. I haven't had a man in weeks. I just want to be desired, even if it's only for tonight. I just don't want to be alone again. I just don't want to feel how I did last night. And every night before that for weeks now. The nights are the hardest part. And Daniel? Is becoming a good distraction. Easy, loose. And great in bed. Nothing serious between us. Light hearted and purely sexual. Vastly different to Charles. I may be a fool but I want Daniel tonight and right now, there's no denying it.

"Would you like to come back with me and prove it?" Daniel asks, close enough to kiss now.

"I thought you'd never ask." And consequences be damned, I close the gap for a kiss.

Short and sweet, but enough for him to take my hand and lead me out of here.

Enough for him to see. 

Enough to keep me from being lonely again tonight.