Having Toms Baby (a Tom Hiddleston story)

What do he want ?

*Celestia*
I feel like a starving woman being offered the finest of food as I feast on his lips. I feel like I have been denied water for days in the dessert as I drink from his mouth. I feel like I have spend years in darkness as I soak up his light.

Part of me want the kiss to never end, while part of me wishes it had never happened as it can only lead to me being hurt. Tom isn't mine, he will never be mine.

I pull back and meet those blue eyes that look at me so lovingly with a smile on his face. He gives me another kiss before pulling away. "Thank you".

"You are welcome". I say softly. "I think".

He takes my hand in his and places it over his heart. "I don't know what is going on here but we are not finished yet". He kisses me again before leaning down to whisper into my ear. "We may never be done if we keep doing things like this".

My cheeks flush red as I nod. "You are right".

Tom's eyes sparkle with mischief. "Maybe next time we can try something else ?"

I shake my head. "Tom you know there can't be a next time".

He sighs, and pulls back a bit. "I know ... I just don't want it to be the truth".

"What would you like it to be then ?" I ask him.

He smiles warmly. "I don't know, maybe we should let our imaginations run free ?"

To be honest I have no idea how I manage to stand my ground here. It is not really that I want to, but I feel I need to. "Tom ... behave".

He chuckles. "I'm sorry Celestia, my attraction to you is simply too much for me to handle".

My jaw drops open as my eyes widen in shock. What did he just say !?

I feel myself blush as I feel the heat rising to my cheeks. I am supposed to be strong here. I am just the woman carrying his babies, not the one he is marrying.

"Is this true ?" I ask him, Holding my breath.

He looks away from me and sighs deeply. "Yes, I can't lie about something like that. You are a very beautiful woman and I am drawn to you ... more than anything or anyone in this world. I didn't plan it ... it just happened".

My heart begins to pound loudly inside my chest, and my stomach feels queasy. I have always been able to read people and their feelings, but this man has me completely caught off guard. Mostly because of who he is, and who I am not.

I take a deep breath and try to get off the couch. "I ... I need some air".

"Celestia, wait". He says, gently grabbing my arm.

I stop and turn to face him. "Don't make a fool out of me Tom".

His smile falthers slightly. "I never said you were a fool. I mean it, that I am attracted to you".

"So, you're saying this was not your intention when you kissed me ?". I question him. "That you simply could not control it".

He shakes his head slowly. "No, it wasn't planned". He reaches up and brushes my hair out of my face. "You just ... no not you ... I... I couldn't help it".

  I look away from him again. My emotions are a total mess. "Well, you shouldn't have done that". I tell him.

"Celestia, please just hear me out. We are both adults, and you know where my heart lies, and even though I am an engaged man, I promise to be discreet if you will ... if anything more happens. I can't stay with Felicity forever, I have started to realize that. I need someone like you in my life to help keep me sane".

My heart begins to race as I feel tears welling up in my eyes. Is this what I want ? To be his side chick for when he feels lonely ? To be alone after he, most likely, leaves me ? Was this all a big mistake, and I should go home now ?

"I'm listening". I tell him. To be honest I am not sure what I wish for him to say.

He takes a deep breath. "Forgive me if this comes out wrong, but we Could make this work. It's not such a bad thing, and I would never be cruel to you. I swear, I would treat you like a queen and give you everything you want".

"Tom, I appreciate that but, I am not sure how this would work. There are already rumors going around, and they will only get worse if we start acting suspiciously together. Felicity also hates me as it is. Do you understand what I am saying ?"

His hands move from my hair to my shoulders. "I do, and I have thought about it. I was hoping you would say yes, because I don't want this to be a tension between us".

I reach up and run my fingers through his soft hair. "Tom, it doesn't have to be like this. If you really want me in your life, and not just as a mistress or a friend with benefits, then I will accept it. But, we must be careful. I can see why people would get the wrong idea. But I have no desire to be your temporary side chick".

He nods slowly. "I get that, I do ... but it is just not that easy ...".

"I know". I tell him. Because I do get that he feels he has made promises, and he is scared of what the public might say too. "You need to think about it, and make your choice".

And with that I leave him and go to my room.